I stayed there with them. I didn't want to - I felt more than useless. I mean, I wouldn't have felt any better at home, but at least there it wouldn't have been so obvious or horribly embarrassing. And I was still being a needy bitch when I didn't want to be. There's a difference between being dependant on someone and being needy. We were both demanding Hadley's attention and honestly it just made me feel worse. I managed to hide that, though, because he needed me there too.
When we finally left, I went straight to the hospital and found that nurse that snuck me his journal, and asked her what Gage's last name was. Caplin, apparently.
The next day, we go back to Cay's place to tell him Gage's name.
"Want me to drive?" Hadley asks as I sort of stumble out to the car, more tired than I thought.
"M'fine," I mutter, climbing in the driver's seat.
"Sure?" I begin to nod but I end up shaking my head. He chuckles a little, "I'm driving." I climb over into the other seat and rest my head on the window, eyes half closed. Y'know how when I worry about stuff, I tend not to sleep? Yeah... I ended up staying awake most of the night.
I catch Hadley glancing at me a few times on the way over and each time, I give him a small smile to let him know I'm still alive, just about. He sort of looks like he wants to hold my hand or something, but - being a far more responsible driver than me - decides not to. By the time we get there, I'm pretty much asleep and Hadley wakes me back up kind of reluctantly.
I make it up to Cay's apartment, though, and let us in. We find him in bed still, and I go in, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him, kinda quietly, ‘cause I can't tell if he's awake of not. At least, I can't until he look up at me and smiles weakly. I run a hand through his hair gently and kiss him on the forehead.
He wraps his arms around me and I hug back, glad that he's at least not so depressed he can't move today.
We stay like that for quite a while. I don't mind. Even if he doesn't trust me anymore, it's good to know he can still hug me.
"Sorry about yesterday," he says quietly.
"What're you apologising for?"
"I was a dick."
"Not really," I mumble.
"I still upset you."
"It doesn't matter."
He gives another weak smile at that, "Does to me." I kiss his cheek and squeeze him gently.
"It's okay." He rests his head on my shoulder and I rub my hand up and down his back a little, smiling to myself a bit as he hums. I glance out through the doorway to see Hadley cleaning up again. He's almost as OCD as me sometimes.
"Wanna know what Gage's last name is now?" he nods, looking cheerful for the first time in ages. It's kind of heartbreaking, really. "Caplin. His name's Caplin, gorgeous," I sigh slightly.
"Caplin... It suits him," he says with a smile. I smile back, but it feels kinda tired. If I stay hugging him much longer, I'll end up drifting off again. He pulls out his concerned face and I frown a tiny bit.
"Did you sleep last night?"
"Yeah... why wouldn't I?" I might as well wear a neon sign that says LIE on it.
"You look tired," he shrugs and I smile again, hoping to make it less worn out looking.
"I'm fine. Just worried about you."
"Well don't. You're just gonna make Hads worry about you," he chuckles.
"Mmm. The guy worries too much."
"Is it any wonder? You've met my family," he says and I laugh slightly. It's not a wonder, but it should be. He's too young to be the whole family's support system. Cay smiles and I press my forehead to his. He sighs sort of contentedly.
"I love you, man," I mumble with a tiny smile, "and I'm sorry for all of what I've done to you. I dunno how I can make it up to you, but I'll try."
He smiles a little, "You haven't done anything to me but if you really want to make it up to me, I guess there's one thing you could do."
"What's that?" He hums a little before answering.
"Take care of Hadley." I hug him a little tighter, trying not to become an emotional wreck/hormonal teenage girl as I promise him that I will. Smiling, he kisses my cheek and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"He wants to go to med school, y'know. I'm blatantly going to end up being a housewife," I chuckle.
"Med school? Seriously?"
"Yeah. The guy who refused to even consider being anywhere near a hospital not so long ago, now wants to be a doctor."
"At least someone in the family's doing something worthwhile," he laughs a little and I smile.
"Never too late to start, Cay," I tell him.
"I'm no good at anything, though."
"Then get good at something," I laugh slightly. I know I need to. And if I can get good at new stuff, anyone with half a brain cell can.