A couple days passed after reading Cayden’s journal and Maxxie was still blaming himself. At least, I think he was still blaming himself. He wasn’t his usual cheery huggy self and as much as I tried not to notice out of common decency, it was bugging me. It’s not his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. Well, that’s arguable when you consider John but it’s still nobody’s fault. Yeah, how am I supposed to convince him that? No, seriously, if you know how then please tell me. I mean, I’ve tried reasoning with him but that was an epic fail on my part. "I know it looks bad and there's plenty of things that should make it your fault.” Oh yeah, that’s wonderful, Hadley.
What was the best thing I could think of? Going to see Cayden again. So that was what we did. It was easier to get in this time since I’d moved the weird tree stump out of the way but it was still dark in there. I guess he got out of bed and shut the curtains after I left the other day. Something wasn’t right, the place was too quiet. Maxxie frowned and went to the bedroom. I followed wordlessly as he flicked on a light.
Cayden was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he’d gone out to the store? Oh give it up, Hadley, you know he’s in here somewhere. Maxxie looked in the bathroom, testing the door first since he was no doubt expecting it to be locked. It wasn’t, though, and I shuffled up behind him, seeing Cayden lying on his back on the floor. Concern and worry flashed across Maxxie’s face as he dropped to his knees next to him.
Cayden chuckled a teeny bit. "Thought you said he wasn't gonna leave"
He gave a little baby of a frown. "Who d'you think?"
He nodded and Maxxie looked sort of upset, though whether it was at the death of Gary I couldn’t be sure.
He pushed Cayden’s hair back and left his hand on his cheek. "M'sorry, Cay"
"You said he wouldn't" Cayden mumbled and Maxxie bit his lip. That’s gonna help with the blame thing...
Cayden rolled onto his side and Maxxie sat with him, starting to play with his hair.
"What're you doing lying down in here anyway, hmm?"
"You said he wouldn't leave" Cayden mumbled again.
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think he would, and I was wrong" Maxxie sighed.
Cayden’s face twisted into a sad expression and Maxxie matched it.
"I'm so sorry" he whispered.
Cayden was silent. I stood in the doorway watching them and trying to think of something to do. What could I do? What Maxxie said meant more to him than anything I could ever say but he was even blocking him out...
Maxxie lay down with him and Cayden stayed as he was, not saying or doing anything. Maxxie kept playing with his hair which was when I noticed the shine on Cayden’s cheeks. He was crying.
"I trusted you" he whispered.
Maxxie closed his eyes and mumbled. "I know"
Cayden was quiet again and I could tell Maxxie was trying very hard not to cry as well. I still didn’t know who to help. Part of me wanted to help Cayden since he’s my brother and all but another part of me said it was Maxxie I should be looking out for. Oh God, it’s like being back at home...
“Cayden,” Maxxie opened his eyes again, "I know this is my fault and that I need to take responsibility for this, but I don't know how" he said, biting his lip again.
"I miss him" Cayden mumbled so much I barely heard him.
"Gage?" Maxxie asked quietly and Cayden nodded.
Maxxie stroked his hair but it was obvious he didn’t know what to say. Cayden was still ort of crying and hugged his chest a little bit. Maxxie kissed his forehead, sitting up and pulling Cayden into a hug. Cayden didn’t really respond and I bit my lip as Maxxie was on the verge of tears. He hugged a little tighter but Cayden still didn’t do anything. Maxxie glanced up at me and I shuffled over, sitting on Cayden’s lap. What was it I used to do when we were little?
Cayden didn’t really do anything and I heard Maxxie crying a little. I bit my lip, torn between the two of them again. Man, why am I in the middle of this? I hugged Cayden and pecked him on the lips, not really caring that it was probably some form of incest. Cayden sort of hugged back and I almost sighed in relief. Maxxie watched us, no doubt unsure of what to do. I pressed my forehead to Cayden’s which was when he started crying properly and fisted the back of my t-shirt as he hugged tighter. Maxxie shuffled out of the bathroom and left us to it, which kind of made me feel bad. Should I have made sure he was okay first?