Why didn’t I offer to go with Maxxie? Because he has to fucking deal with this himself. I’ve tried being understanding and giving him support and it hasn’t made a blind bit of difference. So now it’s fucking down to him. I sat around til he left and even then I only got up to get something to eat. I did consider using the computer but changed my mind because it involved moving. So I settled instead on watching some movie on TV til Maxxie got back. Except one movie turned into a marathon. Okay, so it turned into two but I was heading for a marathon.
Maxxie sat on the couch when he got back, looking worn out. I finished eating a bag of chips and glanced over at him.
"If her bursting into tears and me trying to get her to stop crying counts as going well..."
"What did you do to make her cry?"
"I was nice to her"
"Then why was she crying?"
"Because she's a woman, I dunno. First time she said she'd missed me and burst into tears, so I hugged her and she started crying all over again when she realised I was being nice"
I sort of chuckled at that. If you hadn’t have sent her a shitty email none of that would have happened, idiot.
"What're you laughing at?” he pulled a kind of horrified face, “I just spent all afternoon comforting a hysterical woman"
"You deserve it"
"Cheers, Bunny boy" he said and got up, heading into the kitchen.
I stayed sat on the couch, going back to the movie when he showed no signs of re-emerging from the kitchen. He was no doubt sulking in there.
He walked back through after a while. "I'm gonna get something for dinner in. Want anything?"
"What're you getting?"
"I dunno. I was just gonna go and pick something random up. You're welcome to come with and pick something"
"I think I can manage that" And frankly I just fancy getting out of the house.
I got off and turned off the TV, following him out to the garage. The two of us got into the car and spent the entire drive in silence. We spent the trawl round the store i n silence and the drive home in silence. Oh, so we’re doing the silent thing again, are we?
I hung out in the kitchen when we got back. If he wanted to avoid me that’s fine, but at least five minutes of his company would be nice even if it was just while he unpacked the shopping. So he went ahead and unpacked and I watched him. He glanced at me and I caught his eye but didn’t say anything. He sighed a little.
He shrugged and gestured around aimlessly. "Just everything"
I frowned a tiny bit and he went back to unpacking. I just kept on frowning.
"What did you want to eat again? I forgot"
I resisted the urge to sigh. Not in annoyance, though. A kind of “I’m getting too tired for this” sigh. "I said I didn't mind what"
He put a pizza in the oven and I watched him again. He sat at the kitchen table; resting his head on it and watching the pizza cook. And I still just kept on watching him. Just like before when we had our weird split up, I had the sneaking suspicion that I was somehow the cause of everything.
He looked up at me. "You alright?"
"Is it my fault?" I asked quietly.
He looked surprised. "What?"
"Whatever's up with you"
He smiled slightly. "No, it's not your fault"
I didn’t say anything, still kind of convinced I’d caused something in one way or another.
"A hug's always nice, though"
I shuffled over and gave him this kind of hug. It was more awkward than comforting, really. He hugged back nonetheless and I still didn’t say anything.
"Can we go back to Hollywood once I've finished with the paperwork?" he asked.
"Sure, I guess"
"Good" he mumbled.
I just sort of stood there after that, not sure whether Maxxie was done with me or whether he’d say something else. He put his head back on the table so I guessed not.
"I hate this fucking country” he muttered under his breath.
"It's not the country's fault" I mumbled back.
"Doesn't make being here any more fun"
I didn’t say anything again.
"Sorry. I'll stop moping in a minute"
I sort of smiled at him. He noticed the pizza was done and got it out of the oven. I grabbed a couple plates, watching him cut the pizza up and share out the slices between the two of us. I took my plate and sat at the table. Maxxie sat with me and started eating but all of a sudden I wasn’t quite so hungry. I ate a couple slices at least so he couldn’t moan at me or anything.
He leant back in his chair once he was finished. "Is it too early to go to bed?"
"Just a bit. You can if you want, though"
He shrugged and I picked at my pizza a little.
"Nothing. I'm just not that hungry"
I smiled weakly at him and he smiled back just as feebly. I went back to picking at my pizza, feeling his eyes on me. I picked at my pizza for a good five minutes before giving up.
I nodded and Maxxie took my plate to wash up. I stayed sat at the table, the cogs in my brain spinning on overtime.
"I'm gonna go to bed" he muttered.
"Okay" I said kind of quietly.
He sighed. "You'd be safer just ignoring me this week. Being in London turns me into an asshole" and with that, he went upstairs.
I stayed in the kitchen for a couple hours, trying to convince my head that overheating from too much thinking wasn’t a good thing. My brain could only suggest one way of calming itself down; booze. I grabbed my wallet and slipped out of the house, hoping Maxxie wouldn’t notice.