I lean out of my bedroom window and light what is probably my hundredth cigarette of the night, blowing smoke out into the nasty orange light of the street lamp just to my left. I hear Hadley stumble upstairs and collapse on the bed in one of the spare rooms, and sigh, closing my eyes. Brilliant. My parents hate me, my boyfriend's pissed off at me and I'm in the wrong fucking country.
My stomach rumbles, but I ignore it. I can't be fucked to go downstairs. I just flick the cigarette out of the window and curl up on the bed, trying to sleep.
By the time Hadley woke up, I was still awake, sat on the sofa with a coffee. It hadn't occurred to me just how much I'd hated hearing my parents talk about me like something nasty on the bottom of their shoes until I heard it again. Seven years apparently makes you forget that kinda shit.
He comes down, whining about how his head hurts and I just glance up at him.
"D'you want some painkillers?" I ask tiredly. He nods and I haul myself up off the sofa and into the kitchen to find him some paracetamol. When I give them to him with a glass of water, he takes them, whining again. "Coffee?"
"Sure." So I wander off to make him a coffee. I kind of get distracted though. I sort of sit down at the kitchen table while the kettle boils and kind of, maybe, possibly... well I fall asleep, put it that way.
At some point, Hadley comes in to see what's taking so long with the coffee and prods me a bit. My eyes snap open and I sit up, looking around. "Wha?"
"You fell asleep." So I did. That's because I spent all night panicking about why you felt the need to go AWOL last night.
"Go back to bed," he says with a kind of smile.
"I'm fine," I get up, going back to making the coffee. Hadley shrugs and I hand him his coffee, sitting back down where I was before, attempting to not die where I am.
"You okay?" I ask as he sips his coffee, "apart from the headache, I mean."
"I'm not the one falling asleep at the dinner table."
"Yeah well I didn't exactly have a fun night last night. Though judging by how drunk you got yourself and how late you came back, I'd say I needn't have spent all night worrying," I mutter. Noticing his frown, I look up, "what?"
"I didn't ask you to stay up all night." What was I supposed to do then? Go to sleep and pretend like everything's fine?
"I know, I wasn't-" I sigh and shake my head, "just ignore me." He doesn't say anything to that. I don't say anything, either. The only thing that breaks the silence is Hadley sipping at his coffee. I fold my arms on the table in front of me and rest my head on them. He sighs.
"Go back to bed."
"I'm sorry I pissed you off yesterday," I mumble.
"It's okay. I was probably just overreacting again."
"I just... felt like I was a teenager all over again," I mutter, feeling the need to explain for some reason, "I heard them talking about me like I'm something disgusting just before my mum came inside. Only difference between now and when I was a kid, is that my mum isn't as open about her disapproval."
"Look, don't worry about it."
"I wanna go home," I say, feeling even more like a kid than I already do. I glance up at Hadley and the look on his face says he hasn't got a clue what to say to that. "You're right, I should go back to bed," I sigh again, getting up. He smiles and I kiss him as I go past, sort of debating whether to drag him with me. I just settle for hoping he'll either get the message, or that he'll come up later on.
Somehow I make it up to the bedroom and not bothering to undress or close the curtains, or the window, I fall asleep, right there on top of the duvet.