Cayden: November 3rdMature

October 31st


I lied, it does hurt.



 November 3rd




I’m feeling better now. It still hurts but I’m doing my best to forget it. I should be happy for them...


You know how I was saying about the cute looking kid a couple beds down? And about how I was gonna bang him if I didn’t get any action soon? I actually went and spoke to him the other day. Sure the kid gets a lot of visits from his friends and family but in his own words “none of them get it”. Granted I’m not anorexic but being in here you start to think differently about it all...

Anyway, I talked to this kid and get this; he’s not even a kid. The guy’s maybe a year younger than me. His name’s Gage and he thinks he might be bisexual. He stopped eating because he was confused by it all and then it just spiralled out of control. His parents still don’t know. They think he stopped eating to be skinny and that he needed to be cooped up in here.

I kissed him the other day as well, you know? He didn’t complain. He snuck over and slept in my bed that night. He said he could tell by looking at me that I didn’t belong in here but he was glad I’d come along. That he looked at me and thought “that’s how I need to look”. That I inspired him to eat normally and be a healthy weight instead of living like a skeleton.

I’m sat next to his bed and the cheeky asshole’s reading this as I’m writing it. I know they make you keep one too, Gage. And I know exactly where you keep it. Hold on a sec, Gage wants me to get a nurse.


Cayden, you’re a dork – Gage xx


Why is it everyone I get close to ends up fucking me over some way or another? John broke my heart twice, Hadley fucking hated me and ran off with Maxxie and now this. I was just thinking how maybe everything had happened for a reason. I was meant to find Maxxie in that bar so I’d end up cheating on him and ending up in hospital to meet Gage. I was thinking that maybe, if he was willing to try a relationship, he could help me get over Maxxie. Which was when he said his chest hurt.

Gage... Gage went into cardiac arrest. I fucking made them try to resuscitate him for ten minutes before they gave up. They wanted to quit after five but I wouldn’t let them. Maybe it was just a crush or maybe it was just me being horny but I know I felt something for him. And now he’s gone a fucking left me, just like everyone else.

His parents didn’t want his journal. Apparently they had enough to remember him by without it. The nurse that actually likes me, Nicole, packed up his personal belongings to give back to his family but snuck me his journal. I flicked through it, admiring his neat handwriting and not really looking at the dates. He already told me he’d been in for a while. I glanced at the front page and saw artistically written in bright colours “Journal 3”. I wonder if I can ask the doc about the other two... Anyway, that’s it for now. Maxxie and Hadley just turned up. Smile, Cayden...

The End

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