When I woke up, I instantly felt bad. Maxxie doubt thought I’d just up and left. That’s if he was even awake. I tiptoed into the bedroom, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep, but found the room empty. Well done, Hadley.
I hung around the apartment for a while, figuring he wouldn’t be gone for long. After an hour trickled by I think it was pretty clear he wasn’t coming back any time soon. I chewed on my lip for a while before deciding to go out and look for him.
Note to self: buy a new phone.
After wandering around aimlessly for about an hour, I found Maxxie sat moping in a café. I shuffled inside and sat with him, not saying anything.
“Hi” he said.
“Hey” I said with a smile.
I nodded. “You?”
“Yeah” he smiled and finished his coffee. I couldn’t help but wonder how many he’d had already.
I didn’t really know what to say after that. I hadn’t really expected to find him. If anything, I’d expected to end up hiding in the fort again.
Maxxie leant back in his chair. Where were you this morning?” He sounded curious, not accusing, so I guess that’s a good thing.
“In the fort”
“Oh,” he smiled slightly, “shoulda guessed”
“Sorry if I worried you” I said, feeling kind of guilty.
He shrugged. Wow, that was helpful. I bit down on my lip slightly without even knowing it. How long have I been doing that?
“Want me to get you a drink or anything?” he asked, distracting me from my ramblings.
I shook my head, still biting my lip, and he frowned.
I didn’t say anything. What was up? Was it still what John said bothering me? Or was it something else? Maxxie’s frown deepened and I bit down harder on my lip.
“What?” he asked, sounding a little worried, “You can tell me anything; it’s what I’m here for”
“Did you only sleep with me cause of what John said?” I asked kind of quietly.
Maxxie looked upset. “No”
I bit my lip again. Maybe I was just being paranoid but I felt like he was lying to me. He frowned down at his mug which didn’t exactly help my suspicions. I chewed on my lip a little, resisting the urge to frown as well.
“You really think I’d only sleep with you because of what John said?”
Yes I do. You don’t seem to understand that.
I looked down, not wanting to meet Maxxie’s gaze. “Is it something about me, then? I mean, lately all I seem to hear are excuses and ‘maybe later’s…”
He sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s not you at all. I’m just having trouble with sex after… what happened at John’s place”
I still wasn’t entirely convinced and I’m sure it was evident from the slight frown on my face. “So let me help”
He nodded and I bit my lip again. I hadn’t looked up yet so I didn’t see him lean over the table til he lifted my chin and kissed me. I kissed back but it didn’t make me feel any better. It hardly takes a lot to kiss someone, even if you think there’s something wrong with them.
He sighed a little. “Wanna go home?”
I looked down again but nodded anyway. He frowned and stood up, offering me his hand. I took it and stared at my feet as I got up. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back with a smile, still not exactly looking up.
We walked back to the car in silence. At least, I assume Maxxie was silent. If he said anything, I didn’t hear it. I was too busy thinking up all the things he could possibly find wrong with me. I came up with a pretty big list. It certainly filled up the journey back to his place. It filled up the journey in the elevator and it carried on when I slumped onto the couch. Maxxie sat next to me and for once he seemed to be the one not sure of what to say.
Telling me what’s wrong with me would be a start.
I curled up after a while, thankful for being such a short-ass for once. I heard Maxxie sigh. I bit my lip again. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Maybe he thinks I’m too emotional…
I felt his hand in my hair, absently playing with it and relaxed a tiny bit. Doesn’t mean I stopped gnawing on my lip, though. He hugged me and I closed my eyes, feeling my lip start to sting.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked after a while.
I sort of shook my head. Maybe that was what was wrong with me. The fact that he has to pester every little detail out of me.
“Why- why not?”
I bit down harder on my lip at that. I shouldn’t have to tell him all the things that could possibly be wrong with me. It should be him telling me. I tasted copper and realised my lip must have started bleeding. He wiped it away and frowned.
“Sorry. I won’t push it”
Was it the fact that I was so much younger than him? Did he feel like he had to look after me? Like I was a child or something. That had to be it. It seemed the most logical…
“It’s cause I’m so young, isn’t it” I said quietly. It wasn’t a question.
“No. Like I said, it’s not you”
“I try to act responsible, I really do”
He hugged me tightly but it didn’t make a difference. “It’s not you, Hadley”
“I don’t do it to spite you or anything when I do stupid stuff, honest”
He put a hand either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. “Listen to me, Hadley. My issues are because of John, not you. Your age and the way you are have nothing to do with it,” he smiled a little, “I love you for you, remember?”
I tried not to look him in the eye, ignoring the worried expression that crept onto his face.
“You don’t need to lie to me. I can deal with it”
He frowned. “I’m not lying. Why would I?”
Sorry, did nothing I just say register in there?
“Because I’m just a stupid kid who needs looking after”
He shook his head. “You’re not a stupid kid that needs looking after. Where’s all this come from?”
I was silent for a while. “Maybe… maybe you were better off with Cayden”