Don't ask me where the idea of going to Mexico with Alex came from, because I have no idea. I guess I just need to get away from Hollywood for a while. I've already discovered that business as usual doesn't help anything when it comes to getting over stuff.
Hadley goes kind of quiet and I start to worry. Is he blaming himself for my panic attack? Is something bugging him that he didn't want me to know?
Those questions bug me all the way to the restaurant, and while I'm sure we manage to make idle chatter on the way there, I can't help being a little bit wound up at myself for how reluctant I am about... well, about everything right now - leaving the room, sex, knowing Hadley only wants sex because he thinks I'm going to leave him if he doesn't put out... the list goes on.
I start paying attention again as the waiter comes over to take our orders. Hadley gets some kind of carbonara thing and I dither for a moment, trying to remember what it is I usually have when I come here. Mushroom something. Eventually I remember and as the waiter turns away, I move my attention back to Hadley.
Which is weird, because usually, in true whore-Maxxie fashion, I'd check the waiter out to see if he's worth giving a tip. That's right. I tip waiters on how they look. I'm shallow, I get it.
I smile at Hads but I honestly don't know what to say. Now that I've zoned back in, I can't make my brain work. He smiles back and glances around, though what he's looking at, or for, I can't tell.
I take a sip of the beer I don't remember ordering and wonder vaguely where Laurence is tonight. Laurence used to work at the cafe with me, but he'd moved onto bigger and better things - namely this restaurant. Maybe he'd moved on again. He used to ramble about how he wanted to set up his own restaurant and that if he had to make coffee for ages to get there, he would. He was pretty dedicated... no one should want to have to make coffee every day for years on end.
Blinking, I realise my brain is rambling at me in an effort to make me find something to say, but why would Hadley want to hear about Laurence?
In the end, I don't need to think of anything to say. The food shows up in record time, even for this place, and Hadley - to my surprise - tucks straight in. Note to self: learn how to make carbonara.
"Remind me to get the recipe for that," I mutter with a smile as he wraps the last few strands of spaghetti around his fork. He laughs a little, helping me relax a little more.
"Why?" I gesture at his empty plate wordlessly, and a smile pulls at his lips.
"Maybe you'll even manage a dessert," I suggest, finishing my own meal.
"You never know."
"They make their own ice cream here. Some special Italian recipe. I don't think I've eaten ice cream from anywhere else since I first had it." I might have had some Ben and Jerry's at some point, but only because it was in the freezer and I felt self pitying.
"I like ice cream," he smiles again and I return it, passing him the dessert menu as the waiter returns and collects our plates. He stares at it for a while before putting it down.
"You choose." I give a slight laugh.
"I was gonna have ice cream," I shrug. I'm such a kid. Ice cream for dessert? You're nearly twenty six, you idiot.
"Well I'll try whatever you think I'd like," he smiles and when the waiter returns, I order us both ice cream, ignoring the little voice in the back of my head telling me to grow up. "This place is really nice," he says, another smile on his lips.
"Glad you like it," I manage a small grin, and lean over to kiss him. He kisses back, humming and I feel myself relax a little more.