I might’ve just shrugged it off as a harmless nightmare but it was a fucking realistic one. I could still remember every detail about it. It was a relief knowing Maxxie was sticking around but for some reason the nightmare just kept bugging me.
In it, me and Maxxie had been snuggling exactly like we were in the motel. So much so that I was convinced I was still actually awake.
"I love you" I said.
Maxxie said nothing back.
I looked up at him. "Maxxie?"
He got up and I flashed him a confused look but he ignored it, choosing instead to look at something in the distance expectantly. John appeared, smiling, and I felt my stomach sink.
Maxxie smiled back at John who beckoned him over. Maxxie walked over to him… are you kidding me?
"Maxxie, don't leave" I said feebly.
He put his arms round around John’s waist in the way I’d gotten used to.
"He doesn't love you"
"He does" Maxxie murmured, resting his head on John’s chest.
"He doesn't. Please, Maxxie"
"I don't date pansy idiots, Hads. John's not a pansy" he smiled and kissed John.
"I can change, I promise"
He laughed. "Sure you can"
"I'll stop being a pansy, I swear"
Maxxie just smirked. Why was he acting like this? Less than 24 hours ago he fucking asked me out and now this…
"Maxxie, please. You can do whatever the fuck you want to me just don't leave" I said, fighting back tears.
"Oh, but Hads, I want John, not you"
He shook his head.
"Maxxie, please. I love you"
He smiled. "Find someone else to love, Hads"
"I don't want to"
"C'mon, let's go" he said, smiling at John.
I shot up, refusing to cry even though the tears had nearly started dripping from my eyes. "Think about what he did to you"
Maxxie nodded thoughtfully. "He was a good shag. What about you, eh? You can barely handle a kiss. I can't wait around for someone I don't even love"
"John opened my eyes. I was wasting my time waiting around"
"Listen, Hads, I'm sorry that I wasted your time too, but that's just how the world works. Me and John are together and that's all there is to it"
"You can't be serious"
"Deadly serious" he said, taking John’s hand.
That was the breaking point for me. I let the tears fall freely. "John, you fucking bastard"
Maxxie said nothing. Did nothing. Didn’t he even care a little bit anymore? John smirked and started walking away, taking Maxxie with him.
"Maxxie, please don't leave me" I was practically begging.
But Maxxie and John kept walking. Which was when Maxxie woke me up.
I blinked a little and realised my eyes had started tearing up. I blushed and buried my head in Maxxie’s neck, glad for the warm body next to me. Thankful for the hand absently playing with my hair. Maxxie hugged me though whether he’d seen my attempt at tears I wasn’t sure.
"Don't ever do that to me, kay?" I mumbled into his neck, my lips brushing against his skin every now and then.
"Do what to you?"
"Leave me for some asshole like John"
"...I'm not going to leave you"
I hugged his waist, moving my head back so he could kiss me. I smiled and he smiled back.
"I love you"
"I love you too. Why would I ever leave you for someone like John, eh?"
"...You got fed up waiting for me"
"That was just a dream, Hads"
"I know but..." But what if it happens?
I bit my lip. "I... I want..."
I blushed a little, not really getting out what I wanted to say. "I want to... y'know"
He frowned slightly. "No... what?" Don’t make me say it, Maxxie. It’ll just make me sound like a whore.
I blushed even more and scrunched my nose up. "...Sex" Jeez, and I thought sex ed class was awkward…
He smiled and kissed me. "There's no rush" There really is. I’m not having you leave me because I was too much of a pansy to put out.
I scrunched up my nose again. "No, I... I want to"
"You don't sound much like you do, gorgeous. You okay?" I could hear the uncertainty in his voice but he tried his best to hide it.
I nodded anyway despite how weird the whole thing felt. It wasn’t weird because we were both guys. It was weird because it was sex. And trust me, in my family I’m the sexually awkward one. Half the time I’d rather just go live in the forest on my own somewhere because frankly, pretty much anything to do with sex kind of grosses me out a little. That’s what I used to get shit about in high school. It wasn’t that I was a virgin; it was that nothing turned me on. And believe me, pretty much every girl in the school tried it on with me. Even the guys started to see if I was gay.
"Maybe- maybe later? We can go out for dinner or something first?" What? Didn’t he want to or something? Shit, what if he’d used Caleb as his rebound and didn’t give a shit about me anymore.
"Sure" I said, smiling a little to hide my fears. Okay, my paranoia.
"And I won't be offended if you change your mind" he laughed slightly. That’s as good as telling me he doesn’t want to sleep with me.
I bit my lip. "Why would I?"
"I dunno. Just you've been so reluctant before... I don't want you to make yourself do something you're still not entirely comfortable with"
I smiled a little. "I'm not changing my mind"
He kissed me and I kissed back, trying to ignore the niggling part of my brain that was trying to convince me that Maxxie didn’t want me anymore. Maxxie was silent after that. Okay, silence isn’t exactly encouraging. I frowned a little without realising it but relaxed when he closed his eyes. I hugged him a little tighter and he hummed. Okay, Hadley, time to mentally prepare for later on. Fuck.