Hipster Disguise Kit

WARNING: This is a public service announcement. Please remain calm


Even though you probably haven't heard it, hipsters are slowly infecting cities around the nation; polluting coffee shops and clubs with an intense feeling of contempt and hatred towards anyone who seems outdated, unfashionable or simply unlike them. Buying a good cup of joe has been rendered impossible without being judged by teens who believe themselves far superior on the grounds that they are more up to date on pop culture than you.


Luckily there are steps you can take to deceive this menace, making it possible for normal folk, like yourself, to enjoy an honest coffee and a good club or two.


Step #1: Purchase a Hipster Disguise Kit from IsItTrendy? Inc. (available at any hipster authority near you.)


Step #2: Start using the basic level disguise depending on the level of hipsters in your area. Should the ratio of hipsters be higher than 1:10 people skip to step #3. For the basic facade, only wear the light flannel shirt and skinny jeans. This should allow you to sneak by with only a few glances your way, although some may see through your camoflauge. You should be able to buy your coffee without feeling out of place and looked down upon.


Step #3: For improved protection and deceit, dawn the disguise kit's glasses and camera. This is only recommended for areas with a hipster ratio higher than 1:10, for long exposure to the disguise can have adverse side effects to one's lifestyle and personality. You should now be completely shielded from judging eyes who would otherwise deem you uncool because of your dress and lifestyle choices, making coffee shops, clubs and even shopping at organic food stores a breeze.


Warning: Prolonged use of full pretense can have behavior altering side effects such as increased relish of pop music and photography. Limit use to only an hour a day until full effect is known. Consult your local hipster authority for hipster ratios and to see if this disguise is right for you.

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