Here Is My ResponseMature

Dear You,

Exactly one month tomorrow.
In 24 hours I will have been waiting a month to the day...

I wonder if you know how much I love when we talk, how much I miss you.

"When we talk"
That's just the thing.. we don't.

I miss us. Do you remember, in the year that you went.. how close we were?
And how 'your boy' wanted to be with me because I wanted to be with him... and I used to randomly have a go at you because he would have been on the phone whimpering about how much you would never want him and we all used to say "just go out with him once" or "just give it a try".

Do you remember the emails then?
The massive ones..

I still have some on various computers..

We were never really friends in person though...
We were but it was a quiet, unspoken friendship. We didn't bother to talk to each other because we didn't need to - we were already the best of friends.

We've tried so hard to hold us together but do you see it in the messages..?
No, you have changed greatly. You have become a different person which is something you resent but, I believe, you are learning to embrace.. for there is nothing you can do about it...

But... I don't know anybody in your life and you do not know anybody in mine.

'Zoe' the 'new' girl... 'Claire' my ex.. and now, new people who I didn't even bother to name.. 'the nerd', 'the geek', 'the ginger kid'.
Don't you realise that no matter how hard we pull we are just ripping in different places and as quickly as we tape up one tear, another starts to rip...

I don't know your world, I don't understand your feelings, I don't know what you're going through... once upon a time I did.

I haven't changed. I am still the same confused girl that I was in.. year eight.
But to you, I'm not.

"I've dated too many niiiice guys. I'm tired of breaking hearts 
Not much else to say really :L:L

I get that all the time with you :')
I miss you beautiful xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Who is that?

I used to be honest when I spoke to you, I used to show my feelings. But that, above. That shows nothing.

"I get that all the time with you" - I was not crying with laughter. I was not happy. I wanted to die. Seeing you all the time breaks my heart and the fact that you got it too.. sucks.

"Not much else to say really" - of course there was.. in the entire email I did not tell you any of my feelings. Informing you that Claire and I had broken up, that there was a new guy in my life, that Claire's op had gone okay..
But feelings? None. In our old emails I would have poured my heart out into that email and sent it off with love from a broken hearted girl but now?
Now, no matter how broken hearted, I just act as though I'm taking a mental calendar and copying down the words from it.. "this has happened, this has happened, this has happened"

The closest I got to feelings happens to be "Oh, me? I don't know really." because you asked how I, specifically, felt.
And I didn't even give you a proper answer.

I wonder if I told you that I missed us, if you would understand why...
I wonder if you would notice..

You've been gone over a year and a half and I have never stopped missing you.
I love you, so much.

Yours, with too much love,
Miss Lucy Knight 

The End

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