Sometimes reality is not a nice place to live and sometimes it just hurts less to live in a fantasy. Sometimes it's easier to live in a world where hope still exists and you don't feel so alone. You're right, it probably isn't good for you, but if it hurts that much then maybe it is...
You do, in a contradictory manner, need to let her go I feel. Or at least.. don't let yourself get so close because.. is that really safe? I would like to point out here that you later claim you have never felt love and yet.. well, you say you loved her and you say you will learn to love her again.. slight contradiction there...
Tell me who this is and I will beat her up.. I still slightly doubt that she is not who I thought she was but.. well.. trust.. you're one of my closest friends, I should probably trust you and take your word for things...
You say that it feels crap to be compared to someone with no brain or feelings.. that's what you're doing though, all the time. Constantly comparing yourself to the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz mixed with.. the Tin Man I think.. and then you're upset about someone else doing it? Stop doing it to yourself then!! :/
If you are just going to have a go at yourself, you probably won't answer..
Get a shrink, they'll find the answers you are looking for (apparently).
So what, you had a lazy day?! So did many people.. it's a Saturday.. nobody does things on Saturday.
-sigh- you fight to reach the top through all the failures.. don't just give up..
You are human, stop it. You are completely normal, you're just bloody different which is unsurprising since we are all bloody different..
You're not damaged you've just got a lot on your plate and you deal with it through hate. And a rather large lusting after love..
It's okay if you don't have things in common with people, that's the beauty of friendship, you share your interests; common or otherwise.
I cringed at the knife. Killing yourself is a cowards way out, it is not cowardly to give a shit about your life enough to allow your adrenalin to kick in and stop you from being idiotic.
Maybe someday things will be okay..
Whoever she is.. she isn't important.. you're right to think you should stop thinking about whether she cares or not.. it'll only hurt more..
You can support a charity any time in your life and there is no shame in supporting a charity purely because it looks good on university stuff and CVs and what not..~
I literally know exactly what you mean about the weight and sports..
Have a little faith.. and set aside like.. half an hour of your day each day to do a little? Or even just ten minutes?
If it bothers you, change it.
I love you,
Miss Lucy Knight