Here I am again, where else do my 'boy troubles' belong? At least I have someone to talk to these days though sometimes I don't like talking to her.. she says what I'm thinking and I know I just scare her and over and over I say happy sad happy sad and then she worries she worries so much
Where else to go but back to here where noone can hear or nobody listens but people can see if they want to so it's not as alone as reality but she is there for me if I need her, if I want her she's always there
He treats me like his whore, his bitch I like it I'm nothing to him that's okay but I am really I'm a friend with benefits but he loves me as a friend unless I get to close then he throws me to the side like some prostitute he found on the street except without the money but he treats me how I asked to be treated doesn't he? I think he does it's what I wanted originally and I was the one who said no at the beginning and now I'm the one complaining "why won't he love me" "what's wrong with me" when really I am the one who told him to go who told him just sex who told him nothing more.
His situation hasn't changed, he still lives with her and sleeps with her does he fuck her? and they play games and she clings on and maybe they kiss in the kitchen like you do, maybe more than that just like the two of you, maybe your his secret as much as she is and maybe neither of us know what he's doing to both of us and she loves him to pieces and they dated that one time so maybe she still has feelings but probably not you don't believe that. because they broke up a long time ago and it hasn't been like that for a while as far as you know and they've dated other people has she? What proof do you have? and so they're just friends.
I don't love him. I could one day if he wanted me to you would do anything if he wanted you to but he doesn't want me to and he won't because you told him what you wanted and he gave you that and so it will just be sex forever until he gets bored of you but that's okay isn't it? If that's what he wants..
Somewhere in amidst all of this mania I wrote a poem about what I was to people, about how I was another notch in people's belts and things... it hasn't changed, I'll be what you want me to be because that's all I'm good for. I don't deserve to be happy, right? Right.