This Time Last Year...

I think for me, 2010 was one of the worst years of my life. That sounds melodramatic, but it's probably true. I've also been told that until you hit the genuine worst year of your life, every year is less fun than the last. Great. I'm hoping that was the genuine one. I'm not sure.

First of all, it was a year of lies. I started it with 'issues' with one of the Protagonize moderators. Completely my fault, because I was an absolute idiot. There is almost nothing that I regret more. But don't ask me about it - it's over now. I don't talk about it. So, I started by lying to them. Then I lied to my parents about why I was banned from Protagonize (some of you may remember me disappearing for a month). It just got worse from there. I never did tell them the truth.

It was also a year of loss. I lost my grandfather at the beginning of May, the first genuine blood relative that I've lost. Though my step-grandad passed away four years ago, we weren't technically related and only saw each other once a year. Oh, I was upset, but it wasn't so bad. When Grandad died, I thought I'd never get over it. It was hard. But I think I pulled through, even if I had difficulties.

On top of that, it was a year of insecurities and low self esteem. I went away to a Christian camp and spent most of in tears - not for the reasons that everyone thought. They thought I was crying for the same reason that everyone around us was crying, because of the Holy Spirit, but I wasn't. I was crying because I felt like I didn't belong, and I felt like I would never get anywhere. Pretty much the same thing happened at the other Christian event I'd been to, back in April.

It was a year of fading friendships, but also renewed bonds. I didn't talk to one of my friends for a month, simply because neither of us had anything to say to the other. This friend was my comfort and my solace through most of my life ... yet we weren't even talking. I'm pleased to say that, though we're not quite back to how we were, we're good friends once more. And she got me hot chocolate for Christmas :) 

It was a year with a lot of work, and several failures. Well, not failures. Several 'B' grades, which for me was low because I've always felt like I could do school work. I've always been the academic one, but I've hit the point where I actually have to do some work and it was difficult to adjust. I'm getting there.

And it was a year of injuries, from dance and from school PE lessons. I tore a ligament in - I think - early July, which took a while to heal. I developed shin splints in late October.  I've missed about two out of six months of dance, just for injuries.

But now that it's a new year, I'm determined it should be better than the last. Of course there were things that were good about this one, but they were mostly overshadowed by the bad ones. There were the successes, the medals, the trophies, the high, the NaNoWriMo wordcount, the friendships ... and I'm determined not to forget them.

This year, they're going to be what I focus on. This year, I'm going to do all the things I procrastinated about last year. This year, I'm going to have fun and be confident and succeed. Because I know that I can.

(My New Year's Resolutions will soon be available from a link on my profile, hee hee. I wrote them up earlier, but haven't linked it yet.)

The End

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