“Therefore we pray Thee, O All-Holy Master, give rest to the soul of thy servant, Sarah Klein Kasmir, in a place of brightness, a place of green pasture, a place of repose, and, in that they have sinned in word, or deed or thought forgive them...” - Father Dimitri Kasmir, Evening Vesper Service
Raising the glass to my lips, I anticipate the numbing warmth's effect on the sharp cold in my heart. Three years... I can't believe it's been three years since you've passed, Sarah. I can't believe how much I miss you. I miss your hair, your eyes, your smile. I miss that knowing look you gave me when I felt unsure. All those times when we were younger, when I was stationed abroad, I still knew you'd be there when I returned. You always called me your Tri (Tree), well you were my rock.
Picking up a photograph from the nightstand, I try to see that look; a picture of joy, energy, and life. The picture has faded from sitting far too close to the window, much the same as our dreams and our hopes together. Yet, I can still see the glow from your hair, radiating like the Sun through a newly ending storm in spring.
You've always told me God has a plan for all of us. You were the strength to help me see through the pettiness of humanity. In watching you, you've taught me how to lead others toward a more positive life; learned to lead myself towards a more positive life. If it weren't for you, I would not be the man I am today.
Taking another hit, the clear elixir slightly fades my memory, to help me focus on the present and the future. I've promised I'll try, and I'm a fighter, you know that. I'll try until I have no more breath in me.
I just wish I still knew exactly what is left worth to try for.