Oh, drugs are good. I missed you so very much, heroin. Why did I ever consider giving you up?
I open my eyes.
And suddenly revise that statement.
Drugs are good when you don't wake up in the same bed as a total stranger.
A guy stranger. Ew.
I scramble out of bed, tripping over vodka bottles on the floor and suddenly realize I'm still drunk. Everything is spinning and the little food I've eaten recently makes a surprise appearance again. I dunno who that guy is, but I'm sure he'll deal with the puke in bed with him.
I shrug it off, light a cigarette, pick up a bottle that still has some alcohol in it and drain it, trying to make the world stay straight.
I find my phone and call Benny. It goes to answer phone.
"Benny!" I laugh, "pick up the phone ya dumb fuck. I feel great. Gemme's all yours, Have her. I don't care anymore," I laugh again, realizing that I slurred all the way through that. If he can make any sense of that, I'll be amazed.
I hang up and drop the phone in my bag, the world twisting strangely again. My mind isn't quiet, but the confusion of noise meshes into a bubbling background noise that I can ignore. Staggering through the hotel room, I come across a Japanese guy on the sofa and he looks up at me. I think he smiles, but I can't really tell. I point at him with the hand that's holding the cigarette, open my mouth to say something and then look at the cigarette.
I forgot I even lit it. I take a drag on it and then what I was gonna say to the guy goes completely out of my head. Either way, I don't care. Gemme's gone, Benny can have her, and I can have my drugs back. We can all go back to how we were before and forget anything ever happened.
As I stagger into the kitchen, looking for something to drink, my body starts to heal away the effects of whatever the fuck it was that made me happy and I growl, not wanting the dizzy happiness to leave.
But then it's gone, and I'm left numb. I get a glass of water and stare at the floor as I drink it. While I'm looking down, I realise there's blood on my shirt, and wonder vaguely where that came from.
I try to ring Benny again and when he doesn't pick up, I frown. As I leave, the Japanese guy tries to tell me I owe him money, but I make him pass out and keep walking. I can hardly remember the way to Benny's hotel, but eventually I find it and go upstairs to his room.
I don't knock, I just walk in and... well, I'm met by Benny, but he's on the floor in a puddle of drying blood, his balls shot off and a hole in his chest. He'd always wanted to go down smiling.
He doesn't look much like he went down smiling, to be honest.
How do I feel about all this?
I feel the same way about his death the way I did about Si's. I felt the same way about Benny as I did about Si, in nearly every way. He was just a guy I got free stuff off of. We got on, sometimes. We fought, sometimes.
But at the end of the day, his death doesn't really bother me.
I turn to the bedside cabinet and have a look through. C'mon, it's Benny. He'd have drugs somewhere in here.
I find a gram of coke at the back of the drawer, hidden under a pair of his boxers. As I pocket it and turn back to the door, I see Gemme walking down the hallway. I walk out into the corridor and ignore her, turning down the other way for the exit.
"Oh Luca! Why'd you come back?" She calls after me. I don't turn around.
"He was ignoring my calls. I'm gonna take a wild guess her and say that you killed him?"
"Oh, so you found my present?"
"Not only that, but I found a gram of coke in his drawer, too." I smile. Does she really think I give a fuck?
"What did you think? Did you like it?" I shrug.
"You could have been more creative with the mess. You're the arty one, after all."
"With police half way down the street? Would you like me to write you a love note in his blood?"
"A love note from you?" I laugh coldly. I'd rather rip my own insides out and hang myself from the rafters with them, to be honest.
"Yeah, like, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I don't care, so fuck you!"
"Very poetic," I smile, turning around, "if you don't care, then why are you here talking at me?"
"Wondered what your reaction would be, I didn't know you were as cold hearted as me." She laughs, "I guess we're quite similar after all."
"Gemme, I never feel. I never have felt, and I never will feel," I smile crookedly at the words about to spill from my lips, "I only ever told you I loved you for the sex. And even that was only mediocre," I turn away and begin walking again. Nothing more needs to be said.
I am numb. I am empty. I feel nothing. I think nothing. I am a waste of space kept here by the curse of immortality.
"Hmm, I was always told I should brush up on that. What happened to being your sex kitty huh? And the moaning and groaning and the wanting more... well..." She laughs, running to catch up with me, "you'll never find anyone as good as me, nor someone willing to screw someone like you, who wasn't high." I look down at her, my own laughter as icy as hers.
"Wow, you're pretty full of yourself aren't you?" What a load of bullshit! There are loads of girls in this world who are as good in bed as you, there are loads that I could fuck without them having to be high and, to be honest, Gemme, you were cheaper than a whore.
"You know it," she grins.
"Why are you following me, if you hate me so much, Gemme? Why can't you seem to master the art of walking away?"
"I thought we were having a conversation?" Haha. Hahaha.
"Yeah," I snicker, "that's what you thought. You're just a noise in my ear that I'm hoping will shut up soon."
"Fine, then, knowing how you are so competitive I challenge you to a death match. I know you've always wanted to kill me, now I want to do the same to you. We fight, whoever kills the other gets whatever they want." I laugh. Until I realize she's actually being serious. Oh dear. You had a few screws loose before, Gemme, but there are certainly a few more coming out today.
"Oh, now you're just being stupid."
"Oh really, what part of that was stupid? None of us will get fatalities because we'll just wake up again."
"I don't want to fight, anymore, Gemme. I'm bored of fighting you."
"One last time. After all, if that whole love thing was an act, then so was the caring so much you'd fight with me." I just shake my head and keep walking. I'm tired of all of this, I'm tired of you, and I'm tired of fucking around. The sex was never worth it, all that drug withdrawals and sitting for your stupid paintings. I was just passing the time, and we all know it.
"Huh. Why are you so intent on fighting me anyways?" I ask as she keeps following me out onto the street.
"I want to finally get revenge." I look at her incredulously.
"Revenge for what? You already killed Benny. Just fuck off and get out of my life."