So my self-hatred is the cause of Gemme wanting out, huh? I guess I'm more surprised that it's more off-putting than my temper. But I can kinda see why she feels like I rely on her. I mean, I do rely on her, but not every little thing in my life.
Still not sure how I'm supposed to protect her from herself, though. I can protect her from the world for the most part, and from myself when I know what I'm doing, but from herself?
Seriously, why can't girls be less confusing?
But hey, I love her, so the effort will be worth it in the end, right?
"C'mon. We should probably get on that plane," I mutter after a moment as the tannoy yells out Gemme's name again.
"No, I don't want to." I'm tempted to tell her to make up her mind. I've had enough of her changing her mind so many times recently.
"What, why not?" I ask, frowning slightly.
"I don't want to go back there, there is so much upset and anger there," she tells me and I manage not to laugh. There's a fair bit of upset and anger here, too. Seems like there always will be with us, though.
"Right, so where are we supposed to go then?" Come on, Cancer. You only just got control of your temper again, don't snap now.
"I don't know!" she exclaims and I take a moment to calm down. I sigh and let go of her, sitting back down.
"Then why don't we sit here and work it out?" I gesture to the seat next to me. But she shakes her head, refusing to sit down. Why can't she just cooperate?
"No, you sighed. You're tired of me already."
"I'm not tired of you, I just want to figure out where we're going. I dunno about you, but I'm still jetlagged and I'm tired of fighting with you."
"Well sorry, I'm just not okay with everything!" She growls, before letting out a low whine. "I'm going crazy..."
"No, I wasn't expecting you to get over everything instantly, I just want..." I trail off. I don't know what I want, to be honest. She doesn't say anything, but she whimpers and I dunno what I'm s'posed to do. I stand up again and put out my arms to hug her. She lifts her hands weakly, like a puppet gone limp. I slide my arms around her waist silently as she whimpers again into my chest. We stand like that in silence while the airport buzzes and murmurs around us, the volume turned down on the world for a few long moments.
"D'ya wanna go visit Benny? Somewhere new after all." Gemme asks after a while and I hesitate, considering it.
"I don't even know where he is," I realise after a moment.
"Japan, you should pay more attention." Yeah, I really should.
"Mmm. Well I guess I don't see why not," I shrug.
"Smile?" she urges. I manage to put a smile on my face without making myself look retarded, at least. She smiles back. "Good. Then Japan it is." I nod and look up at the flight timetable. I don't know how long the flight from here to Japan is, but either way my body clock is fucked.
"Half an hour til the next flight to Japan," I mumble when I find the flight on the board.
"I'm going to have to entertain you again, aren't I?" She sighs and I half smile at that.
"You don't have to. I'll probably be asleep most of the time anyways. I'm knackered."
"I'm sorry, Luca." She says and I frown slightly.
"Tiring you out."
"Oh. It's only jetlag." I shrug again. I guess running around chasing after her didn't help, but y'know.
"You don't sound so sure."
"Nothing," she says with a smile and a dismissive wave of her hand. I give her a critical look.
"What good am I supposed to be as a boyfriend if you can't even tell me what's bothering you?"
"It's fine. But if you like... you could kiss me, or hug me to make me feel even better." I can't help the nagging feeling in the back of my head that I should keep asking, but I'm not in the mood for another shouting match, so I wrap my arms around her and kiss her warmly on the lips. She whispers a "thank you" and kisses me back. When the kiss finishes, I murmur a "no problem", but I still want to know what's on her mind. "I love you, don't ever forget that. No matter what I say otherwise."
"I won't forget," I half smile again. Or at least, I'll try not to forget. She's very convincing when she tells me she hates me.
"Why only half the smile?" she queries.
"Only half of my face is awake enough to do anything," I laugh. But apparently the joke is lost on her.
"I'm joking," I smile, "cheer up."
"Yeah," she nods, but doesn't smile and I sigh, looking back up at the timetable. Ten minutes.
"We should go queue up for the flight or something, shouldn't we?" I mumble, hoping that Japan works out better than England did.