I got a shower too, soon after he left and then got changed. I then gathered together my seven deadly sins paintings, then the other paintings I had brought with me of Luca and placed them out in the garden, along with the rest of the furniture that was still out there. Not a few moments after I threw a match in the bonfire Ben came from the house.
“Hey Ben,” I smiled, watching as the flames enveloped the furniture. But mainly the faces of Luca that stared back at me. They were imperfect, I no longer saw the soul I put into them when I painted them. Every painting I painted since I was with Luca; poof.
"Why are you burning your art?" It was a simple question that deserved a simple answer.
"It was brilliant, though. Even if you don't like what you've done you should never throw it away... I've got so much old stuff at my place in Cameron that it fills most of the spare room." he shook his head in disbelief.
I still didn't turn to him. "It was imperfect."
"Why don't you leave me?" I sighed, “everyone else does." This was more in a mumbled, beneath my breath tone. It wasn’t a snap decision, I’d been mulling this over for a while and I wanted to run away again. I’m not a fighter.
"Cancer hasn't left either."
"He wants to." I retaliated almost as quickly, I knew he did, I wasn’t a fighter.
"No he doesn't. Being negative isn't going to make this any better, is it?"
"I'M NOT A FIGHTER!" I exclaimed, throwing another painting onto the fire, ripping it in the process.
"Who said anything about fighting? I'm talking about being positive and just giving him time, not fighting."
"I'm fighting just to be here! I wanted to run away long ago. Everything I've done was just me trying to find an excuse to escape."
He sighed. "Well, if that's what you really want, then I'm not gonna stop you."
"Your call, Gemme, I'm not gonna make your choices for you - I'd be stupid to try."
"Well you should, you did before."
“Personally, I think you should stay, but you know what they say. Can't handle the heat, get out the kitchen, right, can't handle waiting for him to get over it, then don’t?"
My heart began to thud in my chest. "You think I wouldn't come find you?" He said that, he did, I didn't believe him and I don't think he would. I looked at Benny and muttered a sorry, "I’m not quite in control of my power again yet."
He shrugged, "its okay. If it's any kind of consolation, you can look at his anger towards the whole thing as a positive thing... means he cares enough to get upset over it. It'd be worse in a way if he didn't care, surely?"
"I don't know if I can do this. He's stronger than me."
"Huh, physically, sure, mentally...?" he trailed off with a sigh. "Look, Gemme. I know he wants to make things better. I managed to get him to talk a bit last night and he really wants to move on, but you know how things stick in his head and eat away at him. Please hang in there... for both your sakes."
"So now I have to carry us both!?" Okay, I admit it, I wasn’t quite listening to everything he said, I was still watching the fire, throwing the paintings on at every interval.
"That's not what I said," he muttered calmly, spreading his hands, "I just mean stay sane." He sighed and turned his eyes to the sky. "I should go, I'm probably making things worse the longer I stay."
"Because I'm gonna stay sane on my own, with a man that keeps taking drugs and can no longer touch me." I sighed, "Plus you can't go, Luca needs you as a guinea pig."
"I'm not so sure giving us all amnesia is really the way forward."
"Neither do I, but still, that fire looks so inviting." I sighed.
"C'mon," he muttered, holding out a hand for me, "let's go back inside."
"What is there for me inside?"
He smiled welcomingly, "a nice big brotherly hug and a coffee?" I let out a wordless whine, unwilling to tear myself away from the fire.
"Come on," he smiled warmly, reaching out to put his arm around me.
I still stared at the fire, one painting remained, the one of Luca, with two wings, not one. I laughed in my head at the irony and allowed him to take me inside.
He pulled out a chair for me at the table and turned to the counter, turning on the kettle. "Coffee, or something else?"
"Something that will possibly kill me," I whined, sitting down, my head nestled in my arms.
"Coffee, then, I'm not gonna let you kill yourself, now, am I?"
"Can't die," I moaned.
"I know, but that's still no reason to be even thinking about that kinda thing."
"You remember when you went out looking for me?"
"I hung myself, no one found me I died about seven times."
The mug he had been holding fell to the floor, breaking. "Shit," he muttered, "why? Gemme... Promise me you won't do anything like that again?"
"I wanted someone to find me, declare me dead and I could run away from it all. Gemme Lyniati would be dead."
He stared at me incredulously for a moment before crouching down, sweeping the bits of mug into his hands and dumping them in the bin. "He would have looked for you. If you want him out of your life, tell him and he'll go. Running away won't help."
"If I run away now, he won't look for me."
"Don't be so sure."
"Oh, I'm sure." I countered, as fast as a bullet.
He sat down across from me, giving up on the coffee. Leaning in a little, he tried to get some kind of eye contact as he spoke. "Luca will look for you."
I stared into his eyes, giving him his eye contact. "No. He wouldn't."
His jaw set irritably. "Go on then. Get yourself a car and drive away from here. Run away, see if I'm wrong."
"Fine then, I will!" I growled just as irritably. I got up and grabbed my coat, but not before I slapped him on the way. I persuaded the next door neighbour to give me his Ferrari, I got in and took off, at a comfortable speed, but as my anger escalated so did my driving.