Earlier, that was weird. What were they doing? Their minds were blank; they just sat staring at each other. That made me suspicious, very suspicious. But at the moment, I just ignored it, focusing on what was happening. I didn’t want another fight between us.
I loved it, the hug. I missed it and wanted it so much. I enclosed my arms around him, burying myself in his arms. “Please, sleep here tonight.” I whispered into his chest. I didn’t know if I was pushing it too far, but I wanted to go back to normal again. I missed it, so much. He nodded and tears began to wash over me, I tightened the hug as I looked for some comfort and I felt him kiss the top of my head lightly. “Luca...Muse.” I whimpered softly and he said nothing.
The moment was nice, comforting and I said nothing either, enjoying the golden silence that engulfed us as we sat there. However sleep soon enclosed around me and I felt my eyelids drooping. I didn’t want to sleep, I wanted to enjoy this moment longer. “I’m sorry.” I whispered; I wasn’t apologising for anything in particular, mainly everything. It took him a while to respond but he nodded, “Yeah...me too.”
“I want to move on, I want the beach back.” I noted.
“Mmm...” I wasn’t sure whether it was in agreement or not so I had to ask:
It was in agreement because he muttered a “yeah, I do,” into my hair. I smiled, yawning slightly. “You’ll have to forgive me, it’s been a long day I’m tired.”
"S'ok... I'll get changed." I nodded, reluctantly letting go of him. As he got changed I got up, flinging back the covers before I crawled back into the bed again. He followed me in, pulling the covers over us as he curled up, facing me.
I smiled weakly as I curled up close to him. "Is this... okay?"He nodded and I tugged at one of his arms, pulling it around me as I rested my head on his chest, facing the same way as him, my back against his stomach. "I don't want to lose you, Luca." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his.
"I don't want to lose you either," he muttered eventually and I was happy with the response, even if it did take a while.
I smiled, kissing his arm. "I love you." I mumbled.
"I love you too," he whispered back. "I have some major issues, don't I?" he laughed weakly.
"I don't mind." I replied almost instantly as he said it.
"...How can you not mind?"
I pulled his arm tighter around me. "I love you, I already said that. For better or worse, I know, that's a marriage vow, but still."
"That was a bad example; I didn't mean anything by it."
"S'ok." I reached up my head, stretching to kiss his cheek. He sighed, "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"Everything, I guess. Mostly for being a nutcase."
"Shh." I whispered, silencing him with my lips.
When I pulled away I looked up at him questioningly. "Sorry, I'm going to fast, aren't I?"
"Uh... yeah, maybe just a bit," he half mumbled, embarrassed
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, shuffling back onto my side, pulling the cover around me.
He sighed unhappily. "Why do I have to be such a fuck up?" he asked the ceiling angrily as he rolled onto his back.
"You're not." I replied, "or did you want the ceiling to reply to that one?"
"I am," he muttered irritably.
He looked over at me incredulously. "You're joking, right? Everything that it is possible to fuck up, I will fuck it up. It's unfortunately what I'm best at."
I rolled over facing him. "Not everything, Luca."
"Don't be so sure," he sighed again.
"You're not and I am sure."
"Go on then. What in my life have I not fucked up yet?"
"Me. I'm still here aren't I?"
"Yeah... I dunno why, though. Any sensible person would have run about a hundred miles by now," he smiled weakly.
"I'm not a sensible person then, obviously."
He pulled his half of the duvet up so it covered half of his face. "I didn't mean to hit you," he moaned, his voice muffled by the cover.
When I pulled the covers down my face was inches from his, my eyes gazing into his. "Luca, I shouldn't have led you to hit me."
"And I shouldn't have given in, should I?" he swallowed hard, his chocolate eyes glimmering sadly.
I rested a hand on his cheek. "I'm fine, you didn't hurt me."
"I promised I wouldn't, though."
"I promised I wouldn't break; looks like we're both liars."
"...Or just shit at keeping promises."
"Or... both." I sighed. "I'll allow you to choose the speed we go though."
"If you're sure that's a good idea..."
"What do you mean?"
"Last time I chose the speed we go at, we resorted to erasing part of my memory."
"Yeah, but you already planned on doing something like that anyway." I sighed, "but still, I think that you should choose."
"Planned on what now?"
"I dunno something to do with cells, I sort of stopped listening half-way through."
*sigh* "I just figured out a way I might be able to get rid of memories permanently without someone else having to take them on. I'm a bit shit at it though..."
"Luca. One thing I want, is just to hold you again. I don't really care about anything else."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm just worried that this is going to be on my mind for a long time. I can't really remember too well what I was like after Emily, I was high a lot after that, but Ben says I was horrible to know. I've been pretty horrible to know the last few days..."
"I fucked everything up. Everything. It all runs down to me." I whined.
I moved back from him again. "Luca, what will it take for you to love me again?"
"I do love you," he replied too quickly.
"Then what will it take for you to touch me again?"
"I can touch you. You're the one that keeps fidgeting."
"You're the one that said I was going too fast!"
"I never /said/ it. I answered your question when you asked if you were going too fast, but if this is going to turn into another fight, I'd rather just go to sleep."
"No, no it's not. You choose what you want to do though. I'm just gonna lay here.
"Okay..." *goes quiet*
"I knew it!" I laughed.
"You can't touch me."
*rolls over facing away from her* "I /can/, i just don't feel like it right now," he muttered sullenly.
"Okay, sure." I sighed, wrapping myself in what's left of the cover.
*rolls back over to face her* "Sorry," he whispered.
"It's fine. I wouldn't want to touch me either." I closed my eyes, pulling myself into a tight ball
Tentatively, he reached out a hand under the covers, resting it on my side for a moment before pulling me back against him.
I wriggled against him for a moment, getting comfortable before I opened one eye, looking at him and smiling before closing it again after resting my hand on his.
"Go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."
"Yeah. Unless I need to pee. In which case I'll get up and come back," he smiled slightly.
I laughed. "Okay. I love you." I muttered, kissing his cheek.
Yeah... love you too."