I don’t know what happened, I can hear Nigh apologising in the back of my head, but I don’t listen. Luca was right, she’s a fucking whore. I’m on the floor, I dunno, I couldn’t breathe, something hit me hard and I collapsed. It was the dread of knowing that he had probably left me for good. He knew, Ben knew how weak I was with my power, how easily I could betray Luca like this and yet he still went on with it. With Ike in England it makes sense to why I’m so weak with my power lately. But the main thing is; Luca was right.
I didn’t deserve him; I didn’t deserve the love and the warmth he gave me. I wanted him back though. It had only been a few seconds, but I already wanted him back, I managed to open my eyes just a little to see Luca run away. I knew he wasn’t coming back, why would he? I pushed myself to my feet, wobbling precariously. I glanced at the swings, memories. I thought of the beach, Jeremy, how many times he saved me. How much he gave up for me and for what Gemme? For what?
I still had my art, my money, my fame, but what was it all for if I couldn’t have the one thing I wanted. What was worse is I knew everything that Luca was doing, every move he made, where he was going, that he packed his drugs and took Jeremy’s car. I couldn’t block him out, I had been in his mind so many times and he had meant so much to me the connection was too strong. Not even Ike would be able to break that. I could talk to him via the connection but I saw no point in it. The damage had been done; the wound had been freshly opened.
I saw Ben opposite me; I walked over, taking the phone from his pocket. I may have the conscience of a whore, but I still didn’t want him to die, despite all he had done. I called the ambulance, told them where he was, what had happened. They told me to wait with him, to do all this medical stuff but I hung up. I wasn’t going to wait around for this. But I wasn’t going to leave without saying anything either.
I flicked my hair back, brushing it behind my ears before I lowered my face to his, but only so I could whisper into his ear. My words were soft and as angelic as I could make them, they were true and innocent after all. “Ben, oh... Ben, I am sorry. Truly, I am. I didn’t mean for things to go like this, I didn’t mean for you to become a half-dead wreck on the floor. You deserve more than a cheap harlot like me. When you heal, find yourself someone nice, someone who can take care of you. Forget about me, I am no one.” I raised my head; looking into his eyes I lowered my lips to his, the kiss soft and mournful.
"S'ok," he smiled, kissing me back, "it was bound to happen sooner or later. Cancer's like that."
I shook my head softly, unable to smile back. "No." It was the only word I could say, I wanted to say more, but I feared the ambulance would arrive soon. Tears began to spill down my cheeks and I hoped he found their meaning, that the action would speak the words for me.
His smile dropped as I cried. "I'd hug you if I wasn't so worried about puncturing a lung on my ribs," he muttered.
I nodded; gently I lay down next to him for a brief moment, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You're a wonderful person." I whispered, the words becoming slightly choked by my tears. "Promise me, you'll forget about me. I don't want you chasing this futile dream. I don't want you hurt." I rested my head in his neck, getting as close as I can without hurting him. "I don't want you chasing a cheap whore like me."
“You're not a cheap whore," he said, "I'll let you go, but I doubt I'll forget you."
"Why?" I whined, hating the sound of sirens as they drew close, cutting my moment with him short. So I stood up slowly, awaiting his answer before I could steal away, leaving him in the hands of professionals.
He choked out a weak laugh, "still the best shag I've ever had," he smiled. "But seriously? I do like you a lot, and I know you love Cancer, but I really wish you didn't have to put up with his shit. You're a great girl, really."
"Damn it, I wish I didn't have to go..." I listened to the sirens as they became ever louder. "Ben." I smiled softly, weakly. I tried to wipe away as many tears as I could to straighten up my vision so I could see his eyes properly. "Live a good life, okay; promise me, that you'll look after yourself. The house, it's yours. Take it and promise me."
"I'll promise if you remember to take your cat this time," he laughed weakly again. Ever the joker, even in his condition, someone’s going to be really lucky to have him.
I nodded, "I loved you... a little, but I know I did." I smiled stronger this time as I walked away before breaking into a soft sprint. But his mind seemed to follow me for a minute, wishing I'd go with him in the ambulance so he would have a chance to reply to that. "I can still hear you." I sighed, wishing at times I didn't have this power, so that I could have just left, but now I was curious for an answer. "Tell me, before it's too late."
"Oh, that's weird," he mumbled, surprised as I talked to him in his head, "I loved you too, freaky psychic girl," there was a smile in his mental voice as the paramedics found him. I smiled too, I couldn’t help it. Because he was safe now, no Luca, no me, no more pain. I ran round the park, heading back in the direction of the house. I’d pick up my stuff and leave, Ben would get the profits from Jeremy’s gallery and he would get the house and the painting of him, my sloth.