I watched Gemme leave. I watched as Benny went with her. I watched as they held hands, and walked away together.
In the direction of the park, not the gallery. After a moment more, they disappeared. It wasn't like I needed any more clues. I knew exactly what they were doing and it certainly didn't involve any fucking galleries.
Truth is, when I was in the bathroom, I definitely hadn't been in there having a piss. I'm amazed I managed to get away with it, but I guess Gemme had other things on her mind... No, when I was in the bathroom, I'd been sitting on the edge of the bath, staring at my new razor, resisting the urge to break that one, too.
When I went back to the bedroom, I'd seen my knife sitting there in its sheath and I wondered why I hadn't thought of using that before. Guess using a razor blade was habit more than anything else.
These memories were doing my head in and that on top of seeing Gemme and Benny walking off to the park to fuck behind my back like that... well... they're the main reasons I'm washing the blood off the sink. I didn't get anything on the floor this time, at least.
I turn the faucet off and sit back on the edge of the bath, banging my head down on the edge of the sink with an angry growl. In a sudden burst of rage, I pick my knife back up and throw it away from me out of the bathroom. It sails down over the landing rails, clattering onto the floor near the front door.
It scares me just how fucking angry I am right now. The cuts didn't help the way they used to. I've had enough of heroin for one day, yet I crave a hit of something. Anything will do.
And I'm recognising this feeling. From some time before. A life time, a year ago. From those nightmarish memories Gemme says are mine. I'm finally beginning to believe it, now. That those memories are real memories, I mean, and not just some bad dream I had a while back.
It really was me that hurt Emily all those times, and it really was me that pushed her down the stairs. The way I feel now, was the way I felt as I walked in on her with the other guy.
Before I can stop myself, I'm downstairs, picking up the knife. I don't stop to get the sheath, I just run outside with it. I probably look like a madman, running through the streets towards the park with my knife like that.
I don't even care.
After a while, I stop running, remembering I won't see them til Gemme drops that imagery shield thing. I walk, almost calmly, listening for them instead. I find them soon enough that way. I might not be able to see them, but I can sure as fuck hear them.
"Christ!" I hear Gemme growl, the orgasmic lust in her voice almost painful. Guess she's having fun at least. "Please... take me..." she whispers and Benny doesn't need any more encouragement. I get the urge to stab Benny at that point, but I don't, instead sitting on another bench nearby. I try to tune out as they carry on, blissfully unaware of my presence. After a moment, I move to a bench a little further away, so they won't see me when they're done til I want to be seen.
I sit on the back of the bench, my feet on the seat. Bored, I start to draw patterns in my skin with the tip of the knife, making them heal into raised, pale scars. They're not amazing doodles, but hey, it's better than watching an empty bench making sex noises, eh?