I should come with a warning label, I mean, yeah I did what he asked but now he’s lost his memory. I should have practiced more, experimented on someone who I didn’t love... I sigh; maybe I will stay in bed today. I look up at the ceiling, the plain, white, boring ceiling and sigh again. I still feel weak, but I’m sure I could get out of bed, if I wanted to. I wasn’t sure, but soon Luca would have questions I was sure of it, I didn’t want to mention Emily in case it all came flooding back, but I had to make sure. “Luca, Luca!” I call, beckoning him upstairs. He hummed an “mmm?” As he walked upstairs, pushing his way into my bedroom.
“Do you know someone called Emily?” I queried, trying my best to ask it as indirectly as possible.
He gave me a confused look as he sat on the bed beside me. "Dunno... there might have been someone at school called Emily... but you know what my attendance was like. I only really knew Rayn." He narrowed his eyes slightly, suddenly suspicious. "Why?"
"There was this woman I saw in one of the tattoo shops, I was curious." I told you I was a writer as well, didn’t I? Well, there you go; I can create stories really quickly. Anyway, Luca looked at me a little more in suspicion before giving up and nodding.
"Luca, I love you..." I whispered, feeling myself flood with guilt, I shouldn’t have agreed, I shouldn’t have done anything... what have I done?
"Mmm, I love you too," he smiled, putting an arm around me to pull me close, I almost felt sick being so close to him after what I did but I endured, thanking the fact that my arms were securely under the covers.
"I think that fall out the tree may have hurt my head. It's all been fuzzy lately. Sorry if I've done anything weird recently."
"You still didn't tell me why you were up there," he laughs.
"I like climbing trees." Well, when you live as an aristocrat you don’t get many times to climb trees, so when every chance arises I seize it.
"You should be more careful," he smiled again.
"I'm sorry, I'll pay you back next time you try to heal me though. I feel weird you helping me all the time."
"It doesn't matter, honestly."
"No... It feels weird; hmm."
"Oh, nothing," he fell silent and I sighed, feeling the need to elaborate, "sorry, I was thinking, nothing important, just like yesterday." Hmm, okay I was clutching at straws for something to keep his mind occupied, but I failed as usual.
"You didn't tell me that, either. Not that I can remember what we were talking about now anyways." Something hit me in the chest as he spoke.
"What can you remember?"
"About yesterday, Umm... I upset you somehow, you disappeared, I went to Izzy's and nearly got high but I didn't. I don't remember why not, though.” Another knife in my chest, straight to the heart and the guilt just rose.
“Oh, Luca... what about physically... are you okay?” I asked and he nodded.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh nothing, never mind,” I smiled, but it was weak I knew it was. By now I was up and walking around the room, searching through various drawers to find stuff to wear. I finally settled on a tee and jeans, no surprise there.
"Gemme, what's with all the questions? You're acting all weird. Go lie back down," he frowned. I shook my head fiercely.
"No!" I protested. "I'm fine." He raised a brow and looked at me dubiously. "I am!"
"I don't believe you."
"What? I am! Why?" I realised I may have said that a little quickly and that I should have slowed down a little.
"I told you. You're being weird. Asking me about some girl called Emily and if I'm okay and stuff."
"What? Believe me! I'm okay!" He gave me a sceptical look, but said nothing and I sighed, giving up. "Okay, I feel sick but other than that I'm fine." He tried to heal it; I knew it as I felt the warmth course through me.
"It's not physical Luca." He scowled and I looked at him in question, “what?"
"What have you been doing to make you feel ill but not physically?"
"Something terrible," I replied.
"And let me guess, you're not gonna tell me,"
"I'd rather not. I like you thinking of me as something better than a demon." I sighed, grabbing my paintbrushes from the top of the drawers.
"...Why would I think of you as a demon?" I sighed and shook my head, walking from the room, well, I tried to. But he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back round to face him; his thoughts were all loud questions, and I could see the confusion and growing defensive anger in his eyes. "When you were talking about being in my head... and asking me all those questions... did you do something to me that I can't remember?" the expression on his face turned accusing and his voice was somewhere between cold and hurt.
"Luca let go!" Damn it, I knew he would figure it out, what would I say? ‘Oh Luca, but you asked me too.’ Would he really believe that? How could I convince him, I’m sure I couldn’t?
His eyes turned icy as he tightened his grip on my arm. I winced. "What did you do, Gemme?" I don’t know how to answer your question so you don’t hate me! Although, it would be a lose-lose situation for me.
“Let go!” I growled I need to figure out what to say and quick. He didn’t let go and something within me snapped. "Damn it I told you to let go!" I growled, making him let go, although I still felt bad for being in his head.
He flinched, stumbling back half a step, before healing away the pain. I promised I wouldn’t hurt him, I promised I wouldn’t, yet here I was. He glared at me for a second, his gaze penetrating and cold, and then shoved me aside, stalking out of the room.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you!" I called after him, well, that was true.
"Whatever, Gemme, fuck you," he snarled, not turning back to face me,
"Luca!" I cried, running after him, freezing as we got to the stairs and his memories hit me. Great, I took them from him and now I’m stuck with them. He stopped and turned to face me, although I’m not sure why. “You asked me too.” I gasped, looking at the stairs in caution. It was as if Emily was talking to me, telling me to be careful. He said nothing and I continued, re-gaining my breath as I finally took my gaze from the stairs. "Emily was your girlfriend you pushed down the stairs, you asked me to erase the memories and I did. Now I have them."
He stared at me dumbly for a moment, trying to work it out. "I've never had a girlfriend before you, though. I don't know anyone called Emily, and I've never pushed anyone down the stairs... What the fuck are you on about?" Okay, maybe he wasn’t as smart as I thought.
“If I have your memories, why would you remember?” I sighed, hating to have to spell it out.
Faltering for a moment, he tried to stop himself yelling. "Go back to bed; you're not making any sense."
"Luca, I'm not being confined to a bed."
"Fine," he spat, "fine, I'll go somewhere else. Junkies make more sense than you are right now."
"Fine, do you want them back?"
He laughed cruelly. "There's nothing to be given back. You're delirious." His icy tone hurt me, it did. But now I just regretted everything I had done, I just wanted it to end.
I closed my mind, sending the waves of memories back to him. "Of course I am."
His eyes widened and he flinched, trying to repel them away. "No, no! I believe you, I don't want to see any more!" he screamed, dropping into a crouch, clutching at his head.
"I don't believe you claim to love me and find me delirious, you don’t even trust me!" I cried, racing down the stairs.
"Gemme!" He shouted after me, but didn’t follow me.
"What!?" I growled, stopping dead. Something in me just couldn’t abandon him like this.
"I'm sorry," he stood up and staggered down the stairs after me, "I should - Ahh my head!" he winced, massaging his temples. "I should have believed you. Sorry."
"Why should you? Why should you give a damn!?”
"Fuck... fuck! I'm sorry already! Chill out," he grimaced.
"I took it all away to help you and all it did was make things worse." I sighed, I could see he was in pain but I was fighting myself whether to help him or just walk away.
"I know, I'm sorry," he mumbled, trying to heal the pain of the memories away, except the fact that it was a mental pain; he couldn't get rid of it. "I'm sorry," he repeated quietly.
"I'd fix it for you; while the wound is fresh but I'm not sure it would be the best thing."
"I don't want to turn you into something you’re not." I sighed, but leaned in and kissed him passionately, hotly, hoping he wouldn't notice as I wiped the memories clean that had surfaced in his mind. He kissed back, relaxing as they faded, wrapping his arms around me. “I feel a lot better now.”
"Good," he smiled.
I kissed him again, this time for no reason and smiled. "Okay, I need some air; I'm going for a walk. You are coming with?" He nodded. "I love you." I whispered, "Mmm, love you, too."
"Mmm," I couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t him. It’s your memories and heart that makes you who you are. I just stripped that away. He easily picked up my hand and was silent, my thoughts whirled in my head, how could I do that, so easily? I should have thought of the repercussions. Luca, what have I done to you?