I sorta knew what he was going to do; I knew it would all be too hard for him to take. So I tried to get to sleep before he came, but I couldn’t damn nightmares. Even when Luca puts an arm around me, when I close my eyes I still can’t stop the blood, I don’t know why they’re recurring now. But somehow I manage to sleep, well I manage to close my eyes and suspend my conscious thoughts. But I wasn’t resting. I wanted to go home, I wanted my brother... I wanted my... “MOTHER!” I screamed, waking up suddenly. “Damn it...” I muttered as tears spilled over my cheeks.
Luca freaked out and fell out of bed, for a moment I even forgot he was probably high. “Oh... Luca, I’m sorry.” I muttered, wiping my eyes, trying my best to get rid of the uncontrollable tears. He groaned and I peered over the edge of the bed, asking if he was okay. He grinned and I growled.
“Right, I'm sorry I forgot you took drugs again." I sighed, pushing myself out of bed. I didn't need this, I don't care for this. He coughed and got up and I stepped past him, “I’ll see you... well, I don’t know.” I sighed, pulling on my jeans.
"I'm sorry, Gemme," he said, coughing again as he healed the effects of the drug away.
"Yeah, I recall you saying that to me last night." Look where that apology left me, more heartache.
"And I meant it!"
"That's why when I asked you to just stay with me for the night you needed to take drugs." I sighed, pulling on my shirt.
"I'd have needed them anyways. Gemme, you can't expect an addict to just give up drugs over night, or even over a month. It's hard!"
"It was just bad timing I know..." I sniffled, damn it stop crying girl!
He hugged me and whispered next to my ear; "I'm sorry."
I placed one hand in front of my mouth to muffle the faint whimper that came with crying but my hand trembled. "I'm trying to believe that, Luca... I'm trying so hard," I stuttered, blinking back the rest of the tears; although my attempt was futile.
He pulled away and looked at the floor as he sat on the end of the bed. "I know. and I know I'm not making it easy, but," he looked up, "I tried to push you out of my life, and I tried to get you to push me out too, because I knew I'd just end up fucking something that was important to you up. Except that it kinda failed, just like me trying to stay sober fails." His voice was lined with regret and he looked back at the floor a moment before letting himself fall backwards onto the bed, cursing.
"I don't know, because you don't." I turned to the mirror to take my hair down from last night, brushing it through and I tied it back into a ponytail loosely. "You want me to go, I'll go. But you want me to stay; if I stay you want me to go!"
"I want you to stay, I do, but I'm no good for you, and I know that last night was nothing. I don't want to do that to you."
"Do you forget I have no one else?"
"No, of course not, why else would you be with me?” How many times must I say I love you, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here, would I? “But sometimes it feels like no one would be better than living with me," he sighed.
"Damn it, stop it! Just stop it!" I shouted, waving my hand briskly in front of me to dismiss him.
"This is stupid. I should have stayed high and let you fuck off wherever it was you were going to go," he snapped, sitting up again.
"Stop saying you're not good enough! I'm no angel either! Would it be better if perhaps I was some low-life prostitute clambering round a street corner? Would I be good enough for you then?"
"It's not a question of whether you're good enough for me, is it, because you're too good for me. You grew up in a house like this, in a posh part of town, while I grew up in the back of a fucking trailer! I don't care if you're not an angel, but you don't deserve the shit you get from me."
"Yet I gave it all up for a smaller, quieter life. Luca, you say I don't deserve this, but I want this. I want you." I whimpered.
"Then why did you snap at me for being high, hmm? If you really want this, then why do you hate it so bad?"
"It was just a bad moment, that's all."
"Yeah, sure," he muttered angrily. Things were beginning to rattle and I noticed a muscle in his jaw jumping.
"What? It was! I'm sorry but when you destroy me it takes a little while so I can rebuild myself before I can be destroyed again. I just need a little time to repair."
"You were the one that said I couldn't destroy you. How wrong you were." He turned his eyes to me. Behind the anger there was sadness in those chocolate eyes. He had never wanted to prove me wrong.
"I thought I was stronger than what I am.” I shrugged, trying to tear myself away from his eyes but I couldn’t something just kept drawing me in.
"Clearly," he sighed and things around us stopped rattling. Slumping forward a little, he put his head in his hands, gripping at his hair roughly.
"I'm sorry.” I whispered, “I'll be going back to Cameron today, do you want to come with me?"
“Why are you going back there?"
"There's someone I want to see." He looked at me questioningly and I dropped my head, “my mother.”
"Oh... Well I'll come if you like. I can't guarantee I'll stay out of trouble, especially if that Richard guy happens to be in town."
"If that Richard guy causes trouble I'll make his brain explode. I'm not in the mood today."
"Unless of course I get there first," he growled.
"I think my power works further away than yours." I smiled weakly, trying my best to lighten the mood again.
"Just because I've never practiced exploding someone's brain from a distance, doesn't mean I can't do it," he laughed. "Anyways, it's probably a good idea to let me get in a fight with someone there. I'll only end up letting myself be provoked by a few words later on otherwise.
"Okay, I'm sorry Luca.”
"Why are you sorry? It was my fault; I shouldn't have let him wind me up." I sat next to him, pulling my feet up onto the bed, leaning my head on his shoulder.
"Two psychopaths in one town, this could get interesting, eh?"
"I hate violence, you know that. I hope you don't mind if I stay out of this."
"Why would I mind?"
"I dunno." I sighed, laying down, my head on his lap so I could look up at him. "Just don't make me rescue you again." I smiled.
"I really don't know what makes him think he's killed people more dangerous than me. I can make his heart stop if I want, let alone beat him to a pulp. I'd quite like to do both, though." he glanced down at me.
"Yeah, but he doesn't know who you are, to him you are just a random thug that pulled." I giggled.
He grinned, "And didn't I pull one hot girl," he winked.
I blushed, "well... umm... thank you."
"I did well, for a random thug," he laughed.
"It's just a shame everyone else wants me, I hate to see you fight."
"Huh, well Jeremy was right about one thing: I don't own you. It's up to you what you do."
"I've been doing what I want this whole time. I don't know why that would change." He shrugged and I wrapped my arms around his waist, "thank you."
"For being you I guess, as annoying as you can be I still l... like you."
Smiling, he brushed his fingers through my hair. "Annoying is one way of putting it."
I smiled back, "also for being so huggable, when not caught by surprise of course."
“I do my best.” He laughed and I tightened the hug slightly.