Three worlds apart? Not quite so sure where she got that from still, but y'know. I'm glad at least she managed to get me to cheer up a bit. I mean, it's still on my mind, and going to this party thing is actually beginning to make me kinda nervous. I already know I don't fit in here and I'm not exactly the arty type. So going to a party of snobby artists is like... a nightmare come to life, really.
Which is why, two hours before we have to go, I'm not even changed and smoking a joint. Gemme hasn't said anything about it. I'm wondering what I'm supposed to wear. In my "world" if you wanna stick to Gemme's three worlds apart analogy, a party is loud music, drugs and people enjoying themselves. I have no fucking clue what it is in her arty world. I have a look through the bunch of clothes I got from the charity shop.
I put a pair of black skinny jeans on and a white shirt underneath a black button down shirt that I leave undone with the sleeves rolled up.
"Will this do?" I ask, standing in Gemme's doorway. She looks up at me and takes a good look before smiling and nodding.
"You scrub up well," she says and I nod too, lighting up a cigarette as I walk away, noticing uncomfortably that my hand shakes, making the flame from the lighter flicker a bit. I go back to my room and close the door. I hear Gemme walk past on her way to the bathroom. Sitting on my bed, I dump my ashtray on the little table thing by the bed - yes, I even have an ashtray in my room - and try to make sure I don't get ash on my clothes for once. I'm not very good at that, usually I just don't care.
Resting my head back on the wall behind me, I try to relax, but even going to my quiet place isn't working. They're just people, Cancer. Just people. If they don't like you then fuck them. You've coped with people not liking you before, the voice in the back of my head - that genius one that reminded me how to breathe on my come down last time - berates me and I nod to myself again. The voice, being the genius thing that it is, is right. I've never given a shit whether people like me before or not.
But I don't want to get into a fight tonight. For once. This means a lot to Gemme, I can't fuck it up for her. I close my eyes and wonder if I should have another spliff before we go. This thought is interrupted by the sound of Gemme walking past my room again. In an attempt to distract myself from being nervous, I start making smoke rings. I used to be really good at them, but apparently I've not done it in a while. I grin at the shapeless clouds of smoke, and suddenly realise how hungry I am.
Blame the weed.
I drop my cigarette in the ashtray and slide off the bed, wandering off downstairs in search of food. First thing I find is a pizza. I start to look for something else, but the pizza unwraps itself and puts itself in the oven. Can't argue with that, can you?
I sit down in front of the oven and watch it cook. There's a plate hovering in front of me waiting for it to come out. This makes me smile. This is why weed is the best thing ever. It's so easy to distract me. While I'm watching the pizza split into slices, the party is totally forgotten, even though it's only an hour away.
Eating the pizza, however, I remember about the party and the plate shoots out of my hand, smashing into the cupboard opposite me. Oops. That hasn't happened for ages. And... next time we go shopping, I'm going to make her get plastic plates and stuff. It's much safer that way.
Too busy being annoyed at myself for getting pizza everywhere, I don't hear Gemme run down the stairs.
"Are you okay?" She asks from the doorway and I look up, surprised. I'm still on the floor, by the way. I never bothered to get up when the pizza was done.
"Yeah, yeah. Just... happened to remember where we're going in an hour..." I mutter, making the newly floor flavoured pizza and pieces of plate put themselves in the bin. I lean back on the cupboard and close my eyes for a moment. "I'm fine."
"I told you, you don't have to go!" She reminds me and I shake my head.
"No, I'll go. It matters to you and it's a bit late to just turn around and say no, isn't it?" I smile, but I know it doesn't look all that convincing.
"Not really. I'll go on my own, or stay here with you. I don't want you to think you have to do this." I shrug and try to make my smile more convincing.
"I'll come with you. I'm just nervous," I find the words slipping through my teeth. My mouth has a mind of its own sometimes, I swear.
"Don't be. You're not a people person, I know; it's not like you have to talk to anybody," she says. I look up at her and meet her eyes.
"Oh believe me, I wasn't planning on talking much." Nightmare come to life, remember. Not like many people do much talking in their nightmares, is it?
"I believe you. Don't worry; I'll be as quick as I can." I shake my head again.
"You don't have to hurry just because of me," I pause and think for a moment. "Well, you might want to if Jeremy turns up. Not sure if my temper will hold out if I see him." The guy hasn't even done anything to me, but I just wanna smack the guy. I try not to think about it - the remaining plates were beginning to rattle, just thinking about it.
"If Jeremy turns up, and you just want to hit him, then leave. I don't need to read your mind to know what you think of him." I nod, keeping my mind blank.
"Yeah. Are you nearly ready?" I ask, considering rolling another joint just to keep with me in case I get too worked up. A relaxed, easily distracted Cancer is much better than a worked up and violent one. I pick myself up off the floor and grab my smokes off the counter.