Luca: Possession vs. protectionMature

My mind is, for once, totally blank as I sleep off the last of the come down. I enjoy it while I can.

Gemme really is something special. She, by some miracle, can cope with me. She's not a junkie whore, either. But what I felt for Emily and what I feel for Gemme is completely different. With Emily, it was... well I don't really know how to put it into words. But I wasn't afraid of hitting Emily the way I'm afraid of hitting Gemme.

I mean, I was possessive of her, but now I think about it, I think I mistook it for wanting to protect her. Because I want to protect Gemme. With Emily, it was about owning her and keeping her for me and only me. And knowing other people had had her made me snap. Of course I didn't exactly keep my cool when I knew Gemme had been with Ben, regardless of what I said.

Of course I'm not entirely sold on the idea that what I feel for Gemme extends beyond friendship. She's been the only one to show any real kindness. Of course I'm going to want to protect that. Right?

My eyes flutter open and my head feels like Gemme's been in there again, but I don't think she has. At least, I hope not. I instantly go to heal it away and to my relief, it works this time. Guess I caught up on sleep.

"Hey," Gemme says. I smile. I half remember telling her I don't deserve her. I really don't, to be honest.

"Hi," I murmur, my voice all husky and sleepy from not using it for... however long, really.

"You feeling any better?" she asks and I manage a nod. My throat feels dry. I also feel like I really need a shower. "Good to hear."

"Sorry you had to come home and find me like that," I groan, not sure if the sitting in a wardrobe thing actually happened or not. I really hope it didn't.

"Stop apologising. It's fine, I told you."

"Did you?" I ask stupidly.

"Yes." She sighs and I look away awkwardly. I want to apologise again, because let's face it, I can't apologise enough for who I am. But I don't, ‘cause I don't want her to get pissed off. I just chew on my lower lip for a moment. Before I can think of anything else to say, Gemme speaks again. "In case you can't remember I shall relay the message again; Ben has taken over you're old drug business and that Richard guy wants money." The words ring a bell. Sitting up, I rub my eyes and drop my hands into my lap. I look down at her laying next to me for a moment and nod.

"Richard can go fuck himself. I need a shower," I say, getting out of the bed. And stop. I don't have any clean clothes, and these jeans are all ashy, and my shirt is just... ugh. Sweaty.

"You want me to wash them? I could probably get it done before you come out... maybe." I shrug.

"I'll probably go to a charity shop and pick up some cheap clothes there, don't worry about it," I tell her, stretching as I stand.

"Then I get to come with. Never could stay in a house for long," Gemme insists and I just nod.

"Sure. I'll be out in a bit," I mutter with a smile, before walking out of the room. I don't take long in the shower; the cold sweat washes straight off. I poke my belly when I'm in the shower, noticing that it's lost its usual firmness. I can't remember the last time I hit the gym and it's beginning to show. That can't be good. Making a mental note to join the gym when I find it, I get out and dry off, putting just my jeans back on.

Wandering back into the bedroom with my shirt in one hand, towel in the other still drying my hair, I glance at Gemme before dumping them both on the bed.

"I'm getting fat," I grumble with a laugh, "I need to join a gym. Remind me when we're in town, yeah?"

"Umm. Sure. You don't have to join a gym to lose weight though y'know," she says eyeing me dubiously.

"I know. I can take speed and go for a few laps around the town to do that, but they have weights ‘n' stuff at a gym," I shrug.

"Fine, I'll remind you," she mutters.  "You still look great though," she adds and I can't help but grin. I wasn't fishing for a compliment, but hey, it's always nice to hear them, eh?

"Thanks," I laugh a little and she blushes.

"No problem." I open my mouth to say something and then change my mind. Instead I smile and go through my bag, looking for my hair gel.

The End

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