I hugged him for one reason, I needed it. I don’t know what I was going to do, how I was going to do it or just... eugh. I hug him a little tighter and smile slightly. What was this new life meant to mean, anyway? What did I want from this? I pulled away from him and grabbed my bag. I caught Luca’s curious look from the corner of my eye and did nothing, continuing to unpack my bag, laying the clothes in a neat pile on the table and laying my art stuff beside it.
Then I took my clothes and began to walk upstairs and looked through each bedroom before deciding on the one that overlooked the back garden, “Luca!” I called as I placed the little clothes I had in my newly-claimed drawers.
He answered as soon as I called, “yeah?”
"Come pick your room." I realised I
"You know I really don't mind which one I have." He said as he walked up the stairs.
"I just wanted to know so I don't disturb you." In whatever it would be that you were doing in your room.
"You can pick for me, I don't care." For God sake Luca;
"Just pick one." He pointed at a random room and I nodded. "Okay." I paused for a moment, "thanks." I mumbled before closing my bedroom door on him. “Right...” I heard him mumble from beyond my door. I flopped down on my bed and pushed my head into my pillow. A few minutes later I heard Luca walk off and I emitted a low growl.
I thought, that’s all I wanted to do was think. Think how confused I was. I didn’t know why I was here, what I was going to do and god damn it! I didn’t know anything. Then it dawned on me that I had just slammed a door in Luca’s face. I sighed and began to beat up my pillow, screaming and shouting as if it would make everything better. For once I realised how useless I was; how pathetic I was and how, even though I had a whole eternity to live I had no idea what I was going to do.
Yeah, so I have art and material possessions and Luca but what is that? It won’t take me anywhere! I’m gonna be stuck here, I am. Tears began to run down my cheeks and buried my head even further into my pillow. I jumped slightly as my door opened and I closed my eyes. As if by doing that everything would just magically disappear. It didn’t work and somehow this just seemed to make me angrier. “Why are you screaming?” He asked and I growled a, “what do you care?” into my pillow.
He seemed stung and a little taken aback as he replied. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Damn it I don't know! I don't know anything!" I exclaimed, spitting the words from my mouth as I spoke
"Christ, calm down. What's wrong?"
"You keep asking me that and even if I told you I don't think it would make much difference!" I looked up from my pillow, flinging myself out of the bed to face him.
“Fine, then I won’t be fucking ask anymore!" He turned to leave and I snapped.
"That's it! Run away like you normally do." I growled and he stopped dead. For a moment I was a little scared until he sighed.
"I'm not running away, I'm just leaving you alone, since you clearly don't want to talk to me."
"Maybe I want to talk; maybe I'm not sure you'd listen."
"Just because I never know what to say and I don't always know how to handle things, it doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen."
"Fine," I sighed, sitting back down on the bed. "I don't know anything. That's what's annoying me, I have no idea what I'm going to, where I'm going to go and I know you have more problems than I do so I'm just going to shut up now."
He shrugged, "there's no point ignoring your own problems just because I'm more of a screw up than you."
"It's me being selfish. Sorry." This was me; I’d get upset address my real problems then I try to tell someone and end up thinking screw it. I’m being selfish.
"Don't be sorry. You're not being selfish, either." God damn it, someone just please shut me up.
"But I don't know why I'm here, where I'm going or even truly how I got here." That may sound stupid but it was true.
"Well... find a reason to be here. Make a path for yourself." He paused for a moment, thinking, "at least that's what I'm gonna try to do."
"Besides you I have no other reason to be here."
He shrugged. "Art?"
I sighed, gazing at the floor. "I'm just sick of the future; sick of my 'pre-determined destiny' I want to pick my own! I'm not sure what it will be but I want my own fate." I was on about the zodiacs and this whole “together we will become an almighty force and rid the world of evil!” God, the rest of them were a bunch of kids I mean let’s see, Leo, Taurus, my brother, Libra, Pisces, Aries, Virgo and Sagittarius were all either kids or love struck. Not to mention they were trying to model me into some crime-fighting super hero? Get lost.
He looked at me in silence and I sighed. "I told you that if I said why it wouldn't make any difference."
I sighed. "At least I listened, though. I dunno what kinda answers you would have been expecting from me anyways."
"Yeah, me either." I sighed, lying down on my bed; gazing up at the ceiling. "Thank you though.”
"S'ok. Want me to stay here or shall I leave you to it?"
"Stay..." I didn't want to sound whiny but... "Please." He walked over and sat cross-legged at the end of my bed. I don’t know how but it just made me feel more comfortable, safer. “I’m sorry about this. I sort of just let everything become bottled up.”
"I’m sorry about this. I sort of just let everything become bottled up.”
"Don't worry about it."
"Sorry." I murmured again, bringing my knees up to my chest as I turned to lie on my side.
"Stop saying sorry. You're worse than me."
"So- Yeah,” he smiled and I sat up; wrapping my arms around him. “I apologise,” I giggled.
"You don't need to,"
"I do. I slammed the door in your face then began shouting then shouted at you then I unloaded all my problems on you." I sighed, falling back onto the pillow and pulling him with me.
"It's not like I haven't unloaded all of my own problems onto you though. And I probably deserve the shouting."
"Yeah," I couldn't be bothered to argue anymore and instead I just kissed him softly. Looking up at him like this I managed to get a good view of all his features up close. Naturally I took in everything; although it would be kind of hard not to when he was pressed on top of me like this. He hesitantly kissed me back and I smiled. I definatly had a really clear picture of him in my head now.