Damn it, what was I doing? I probably just confused Luca, I had confused myself. I was curious, what he said to me yesterday I wanted to know what he could do, whether he was better than Luca. But Luca was probably right, Ben probably just wanted sex. Then again that was all I was doing with Luca, thinking like this I actually began to hate sex. I told Luca to stay in the waiting room; he could hear everything we were saying anyway I would allow him too through my mind. Then I moved with no plan and no idea I just walked up to the doorway between the studio and the waiting room.
Ben slowly looked up and saw me, he ushered the person that was moaning in pain out of the studio and smiled. “Hey Gemme, you decided I was right then?"
I shook my head. "No, because you only want one thing from me," I decided to find out his intentions before I told him anything else.
"Well I hardly know you. We can get to know each other better and then you'd see why I'm right." Okay, he’s making this really hard for me.
"But... you would just hurt me." I sat on the table again, watching him as he prepped.
"You’ve been listening to Cancer? He's an idiot. And I'm sure you've already seen enough of his temper to know that he's more capable of hurting you than I am." Yeah, I have seen his temper but, "he hasn't hurt me yet."
"Ah but I can see it in your eyes. He's hurt you mentally, and he's come close enough to hurting you physically."
I closed my eyes for a moment allowing myself to direct my gaze at the floor, "don't." I should stop this, just tell him.
"Why are you hanging around with him? You deserve better than that. I’d be better than that for you."
"We could never, there is too much between us." I tried to think what I could say without giving myself away.
"Like what?" Ben laughed. "Just how long have you known him?"
"About three weeks, but that's not the point." I shook my head; well this slight diversion would give me time to think how I would put it.
"Three weeks! Wow I wouldn't have had you down as someone to move so quickly on a guy."
"Shut up." I growled, damn it just breathe, remember you zodiac and be calm.
"I like a girl that can play rough," he winked and laughed again.
"I'm umm, psychic." They exist right? Sure they do. Yeah, I’m a psychic.
"Sure. Good one."
"If ya say so,” he shrugged, prepping his ink pots again.
“Well, yesterday when I was in your studio you were thinking of undressing me and then... other things. Not once did your mind stray from that.” I nodded, that wasn’t much proof but I hoped it could be.
"Now be honest. Who wouldn’t? That's like the most predictable thing any guy would think about when he saw you."
"Fine thinks about something now and I'll tell you." I let his thoughts wash over me, finding only the briefest thoughts, "when you met Luca." He looked at me warily. "What?"
"What else can you see?"
"Everything," everything I wanted to.
"That's so fuckin' weird."
"Thanks. This is why it wouldn't work."
"Well how does it work any better with Cancer?"
"He doesn't know."
"I didn't know till you told me either. What's the difference?"
"Your thoughts are different!"
"Oh and his aren't?"
"The kid's fucked up. I feel sorry for you having to see inside his head, to be honest."
"Oh this is harder than I thought." I moaned, holding my head in my hands.
“No it's not. Dump the fuck up, back at his little den where he belongs and choose someone who can count beyond ten."
"I can't do that."
"He's only gonna hurt you."
"So will you."
"I'm not likely to put you in hospital, Gemme."
"What about mentally, hmm?"
"Well you'd think that being put in hospital by your boyfriend would screw you up mentally too."
"Damn it, please just shut up." I shook my head, pulling my knees up to my chest, burying my head in my hands, "you're just saying that because you're used to getting what you want."
"Cancer put his last girl on life support. Do you really want to end up like that?"
"How many hearts have you broken?" He shrugged, "Exactly! You don't even care!"
"Sure I care. I just wouldn't call it heart breaking."
"What would you call it?" I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I knew that if I did I would only feel angrier. I could feel myself getting hot and I knew I would end up destroying something. Just breathe Gemme, breathe. “You know what? I should go.”
"I'd call it mutual for the most part."
"Damn it Ben I really should go. I never should have brought this up."
"The truth is hard to handle, but you'll see. I just hope you see it before it gets too bad."
"I don't want to see you die." I snarled, opening the door again.
He laughed. "See you around Gemme."
"Most definitely not," when I opened the door and walked out, I saw Luca outside the shop smoking. “Okay, that was a bad idea.” I sighed,
"You heard it didn't you? Everything went wrong."
"How did it go wrong?"
"I almost gave myself away and almost blew his head open."
"I guess that could be considered as going wrong, yeah, but he was only telling the truth." Luca shrugged and dropped his cigarette on the floor, stepping on it.
"Don't you start as well! You're different than him."
"Surely you saw it in his head? When he was talking about my last girlfriend? I mean, how can you just ignore that?"
"Sometimes I think you want me to go." I sighed. "Because you haven't done anything to me yet and I can defend myself against you."
"I don't understand how you can call everything I've done so far nothing."
"Luca do you want to live in self-pity your whole /eternal/ life, hating yourself trying to bring yourself into the deepest oblivion you can find or do you want to actually do something?"
"What is there to do?"
"Actually try to accept me, to move past the past!"
"I can't do that to you." He shook his head and looked at the floor. "I don't want to make you hurt."
"You're hurting me now."
"I'm not throwing you down the stairs or poisoning your body with drugs though am I?"
"Physically is not what matters. God you and Ben are both the same."
"Oh so you'd prefer it if I threw you down the stairs, but it would be okay 'cause you know I want you? Sometimes I wonder which of us is more fucked up."
"That would be me." I snapped.
"Clearly," he snapped back.
"You know? I don't know what I saw in you. You're just a god damn son of a Bitch!" I growled, fuming.
"Finally, you're seeing sense!" He laughed and lit another cigarette. "I'm amazed it took you this long."
I took the cigarette from his hands and threw it away. "Happy eternal damnation." I growled, pushing my way back into the tattoo store.
"Now now. That was a waste of a cigarette."
I pushed into his mind, making him drop the second one. "You'll live."
"Fuck's sake," he muttered, glancing at me before walking away. Damn it, now what am I going to do? I cried in my head, collapsing onto one of the chairs in the waiting room. I could see the woman wanted to tell me it was okay but she just left me crying to myself, until Ben walked in.