I'll tell you this now. I don't like sympathy. It's happened, it's done and gone, and there's no point being sympathetic about it. Especially if you don't actually know what you're supposed to be sympathetic about. I let her hug me for a little bit longer before shrugging her off, mumbling something about getting a drink.
In the kitchen, I get a glass of water and lean back against the counter, drinking it slowly. The counter is cold on my bare skin, but I ignore it, just concentrating on drinking, rather than inhaling the water.
"Sorry. I probably should get dressed," I hear her say. Not moving, I shrug, then realise she can't see.
"If you like," I mumble into my glass. She probably didn't hear that, but oh well. For a moment, she's quiet and I hear the zipper on her jeans being done up. Then she comes into the kitchen, ignoring the fact I'm still butt naked and leaning against her kitchen counter. I don't look up, my eyes unfocused but fixed on the floor. My teeth clink against the edge of the glass as I close my mouth slightly.
"What's wrong Luca?" She whispers softly.
"Nothing," I say, but it comes out less like ‘nothing' and more like ‘nung' where my mouth is still on the glass, so I lower it a bit away from my lips and try again. "Nothing." She looks into my eyes for a moment, studying them dubiously before shaking her head.
"Okay." She mutters in a sort of irritated, defeated tone. I dunno why, really. It's not like I'm lying. Well not in the sense that there's something wrong, as such. I'm just having a major craving for some drugs right now. I don't even care which ones, just the stronger the better.
"You don't believe me." Not a question, just a statement that feels like it needs confirming.
"Nope." She confirms it and I put the glass back to my teeth thoughtfully. Not that I'm really thinking, but y'know.
"Why not?" I ask after a while, remembering to take the glass away from my mouth again.
"You seem upset, you seem in contemplation yet you are contemplating nothing." Stupid mind reading ability.
"I'm fine. I'm gonna get dressed," I say, putting the glass down on the side and walking back to the living room. She gives me a reluctant "hmm, okay" and lets me get dressed. I turn as I'm pulling my jeans back on and see her standing in the doorway. "What?" I ask, noticing her concerned look.
"Nothing." Of course. I roll my eyes and pull my shirt back on.
"What're we gonna do then? ‘Cause if there's nothing you wanna do, I should probably go. Junkies clawing at my door ‘n' all, y'know." I mutter, looking in my bag for my hoodie.
"We'll go buy you a new guitar." She says as I pull the hoodie out of my bag. The gun I wrapped inside it falls out back into my bag. I forgot about that. Oops.
"Yeah, okay." I nod as I put the hoodie on and stand up again, shouldering my bag. "Is that car Ike got still around?"
"He gave it back," she says. Ugh, what a loser.
"Guess we're walking then. Let's go," I grumble. Yes, I like working out. I hate walking anywhere when I could have driven, however. As we walk, Gemme tries again to get an answer out of me.
"What is wrong? First of all you didn't want to leave; now you want to go back to your apartment. You're being really quiet and now you're grumbling." I consider telling her I'm fine, just drop it, but I know she won't buy it.
"I'm just... having a craving. It'll go, soon," I say through gritted teeth, not exactly convinced that it will go. Never ignored a craving, before.
"For what?" Oh, do you really need telling, Gemme? I thought you were quicker than that.
"Drugs." I spit and look at the ground, shoving my hands in my pocket to stop me punching something. She moved to hold my hand, but grabbed my arm instead gently.
"Just calm down, I'm here. It will go." Huh.
"No fucking with my head." I mutter irritably.
"I promise. No messing with your head." She agrees and I fall silent, trying to stop the craving somehow. I healed the physical one away, but my mind is still numb with the need. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Aside from let me go take drugs?
"Like what?" I ask quietly.
"I dunno, anything." She shrugs and looks up at me briefly as we enter the town area.
"Let me go home and get high?" I ask with a bitter laugh. I already know the answer to that one.
"If you want to." She replies. Okay, I didn't know the answer, clearly. I glance at her and arch an eyebrow.
"Ah, but would you stay with me?" I shudder slightly, remembering the guy tasering me in my doorway.
"Sure." She says. This girl is full of surprises. I shake my head slightly and sigh.
"The guitar can wait, then. Sorry," I can't wait any longer. I tug her down another road, doubling back for a ways to get to the apartment.
"It's okay. Just don't get angry after you've taken them okay?" I nod wordlessly. If this was a physical craving, I'd be curled up on the floor screaming. How did it ever get this bad? I let us into the apartment and lock the door before practically running to the wardrobe where I put the case Nikki had mercifully filled with drugs. All the equipment I need is in here. I don't even bother to move anywhere; I just plonk myself on the floor by the wardrobe and levitate a spoon and lighter, ready for what comes next.
I already feel calmer, just knowing I get to have it in just a few short minutes. Tipping a little heroin into the spoon and mixing it with a bit of water, I realise there's too much there, but I ignore the bit of my brain telling me that the amount there constitutes an overdose. I fill a needle and shove it all in.
Relaxing at last, I slump back against the wardrobe, a stupid smile plastered on my face as it takes effect.