I looked at the paintings; I wanted him to have them. Yeah, they were mine but they were of him. "If I take them they're going in a gallery."
"Because they are my best pieces yet!"
"But they're of me!"
"And they are amazing!"
"Well... yeah, they're good, but it's just the thought of a load of strangers gawking at them..."
"You don't like strangers gawking at you?"
"I'm not an animal in the zoo."
"No. You're a piece of art." He was silent and I realised what I had just said. Whoops, I didn’t even think; could you tell? "Plus, you didn't mind me gawking at you."
"You're not a stranger. And you're hot."
I blushed, that word again. "You can't possibly mean that."
"It's a lot easier to believe than you being in love with me."
"Not really." I looked down, to check, nope. Definitely not hot.
He laughed. "Well you can believe what you like, but I think you're sexy, 'kay?"
"Oh...okay." I couldn't stop the fierce blush on my cheeks and I looked down at the floor, cupping my face with my hands. "Thanks..."
"I told you I find lust easier."
"It's still embarrassing! I've never been looked at in that way before." Well, I have had people lust for me but never have I been called sexy.
"I think you'll find getting over me thinking you're hot a lot easier than I will find getting over you loving me," he laughed again. Highly doubtful.
"Well, do you want to come over to mine? I really don't like it here."
He looked around, a bemused look on his face. "It's not so bad here really. Why do you hate it so much?”
"It's the atmosphere this place has, the death, the drugs, the..." I stopped, "I feel slightly better with you here it's just its a little weird." I could sense uneasiness from this place.
"I guess I never thought of it that way. Just a place to sleep to Me." he shrugged and got up. He wrapped the canvasses back up and grabbed his bag.
"You don't have to if you don't want to."
"Well there's no point you being so uncomfortable, is there?"
"You keep saying you’re such a bad person but sometimes you should actually listen to yourself." I smiled, opening the door. By hand.
"It must be some kind of effect only you have on me,"
Yet you say it's not love... "Hmm, possibly." I smiled, grabbing his hand as we walked from the building.
"Don't be getting any ideas, now. I like you. I don't like anyone else." What he had to say about everyone else after that really shouldn't be written down.
"No, I'm a kind of. I know." I laughed, "It gets late really quickly doesn't it?" I mumbled, gazing up at the clear night sky.
"I guess it does, yeah."
I looked from the sky to him and smiled, tightening my grip on his hand slightly, sometimes it's good to know someone is holding on. "Oh! I got a new TV too. You can have your money back." He said I could keep it and I said I didn’t need it, one of those arguments. I’m sure you’ve had one at some point. In the end he shrugged and I realised we had got close to my house. I seemed a little reluctant to let go of his hand but I didn’t show it. “Home, sweet home,” I murmured.
“For you,” he retorted.
“I said you didn’t have to come with me!” I shook my head, closing the door behind him. I didn’t lock it, if anyone tried to break in it was their funeral.
"I'm just saying. It’s your home. It's just like coming over to a friend's house to me," he shrugged again.
"Yeah..." I mumbled, every time I heard the word ‘friend’ it made my heart sink a little. "Would you like a drink, perhaps something proper to eat?" I couldn’t forget my manners after all.
"Uh... sure, what have you got?"
"Same as last time I'm afraid."
"Luca... I..." Oh never mind, I shook my head and walked into the kitchen to place another pizza in the oven.
He followed me. "You...?"
"I was just going to ask if you wanted some Pepsi, I got some in earlier." I didn’t want to say coke. It just didn’t seem right.
"That's a lame excuse. What were you really going to say?"
"Nothing, I mean, that's what I was going to say."
He arched an eyebrow, not believing it. "Of course, I'm fine with water, thanks." he said, pulling out his cigarettes.
"Okay," I smiled, I'll try again later. I pulled the pizza out of the oven some minutes later and gave it to him whilst filling up a glass of water. I then followed him back into the front room where the cash he had given me was still on the arm of the chair.
He ate the pizza in a hurry, wolfing it down. I smiled as he made his lack of food over the last few days evident. "Thanks."
"My pleasure, here,” I grinned giving him back his money.
He hesitantly took it back, “sure?”
I nodded, “positive. Now, for what I was going to say earlier...” I shook my head softly.
“Yes?” He prompted and I had to go on.
“I would like to ask if you would stay the night. Please.” That was harder than I thought.
"I didn't bring a change of clothes."
"Oh, right then, umm... perhaps another night?" I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice but I didn’t know if I had succeeded.
"Well I guess I can go back and get them. Or I can wear the same clothes twice." he shrugged, lighting another cigarette.
"No it's okay." I smiled weakly.
"I don't mind, it's up to you." Well obviously you already know what I’m going to say Luca.
"I want you to stay." I pleaded, not intentionally.
He nodded slowly, “okay.”
"Thank you." I smiled, embarrassed at how weak I had become.
I then waited silently for Luca to finish his cigarette, I had lost count of which one it was. When he finally screwed the butt into the tray I got up, then wrapped my arms around his neck; letting my head rest on his shoulder. He hugged me back loosely and I smiled, “just when you want someone to hold onto right?” I muttered.
“Do you still feel awkward around me?”
“It’s getting better.”
“Good.” I smiled softly, still not releasing my grip on him. “Feel free to hug me whenever you want.”
He nodded, “okay.”
“I love you.” I whispered into his shoulder, trying to muffle it as best as I could.
He stiffened ever so slightly and I hugged him tighter, but this just made him cough uncomfortably. I immediately let go, walking back to the other couch.
"Sorry," he muttered, embarrassed.
"It's okay. I didn't exactly think before I said that." I've been doing that a lot lately.
"No, s’ok. I don't mean to freeze up the way I do, I just... don't know how to deal with it," he sighed.
"Most people freeze up when people say 'I love you' to them. But may I ask you something else?"
"When I kissed you earlier, how did you feel?"
"Confused," he answers slowly.
"Because," he thought about what he was going to say for a moment."Because I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I wanted to kiss you back, but I knew it was lust, and nothing more. I didn't want to lead you on and make you think you'd got through to me."
"You heard my thoughts. I'm sure you heard the one that went something like 'she's a friend I have the hots for,' didn't you? That's what I mean. Like... I want it to be more than that, I don't like that you knowing its just lust will upset you, but... I guess this is where we need patience, eh?"
"Yeah, mind if I try one more time?"
I kissed him softly, trying to prolong it a little while longer this time, Luca kissed back, his lips slightly more forceful and just as he said, his contact was pure lust.
I broke away from him, a slight smile on my lips."Wow, you really meant it don't you?" I knew from the kiss, so much can be shown by a single kiss.
"Yeah. I'm many things, but I try not to be a liar."
"Well, you know how I feel on that front about you."
"Must I spell it out?" Please don’t make me spell it out.
"You already said you love me."
"Well yes, but your body is umm, well..." I finished my sentence with a grin.
He chuckled and looked down at himself, then back at me. "What about it?" he asked innocently.
"It's hot." I stated simply, bluntly.
"Ah, but how can you say that? You've only seen a part of it. You hid the rest of it from view when you walked in on me getting dressed," he smirked.
"I'm sure it is. Just like you, how can you find me hot? You have seen none of my body other than my back."
"It's probably got a lot to do with the fact you're actually nice to me as well, y'know. But you're welcome to show me more of your body, if you like."
I rolled up one of my sleeves and smiled. "There."
"You have a very nice arm," he laughed, but rolled his eyes too.
I turned my back to him and took my t-shirt off over my head slowly, "so, what do you think?"
"It's really good. You found a good artist to do it."
"Thank you." I smiled, turning round to face him. "Now what do you think of me?"
"Even better. Not something an artist could ever create."
I blushed slightly. "Thanks."
"S'ok," he grinned. He put his hands in his pockets and sat back, but couldn't take his eyes off me.
I smiled, sitting back on the couch, my legs folded in front of me. "You can blink you know." I smiled.
"I am blinking," he countered, blinking as if to prove it.
"Then you can look at other things besides me." I giggled, raising my eyebrow slightly.
"Why would I do that? They're not as good to look at. But I can look away if you'd rather."
"Good to see you are feeling happy again." I smiled, "well, what am I missing?"
"Yeah, you said I couldn't say your body was hot because I blocked most of it out, what am I missing?" What has come over me? I’m trying to seduce Luca; I have no top on and... Just what am I doing?
"Hmm. I suppose that would mean you want to find out?"
"I'm curious." Snap out of it! Although, I do want to find out, I mean his body is hot from what I’ve seen. But what am I missing that is so great? Oh.
He stripped to his boxers and I sat, staring at him my heart beating fast under the sudden lust I felt for him. “Still curious?” He asked and I let a slight blush appear in my cheeks. “Slightly,” I shook my head softly; walking over to him I hooked my arms around his waist again, kissing his cheek softly.
"Well, I'd be happy to show you if you'd satisfy my own curiosity." He grinned, kissing my lips, while his hands moved slowly down my back to the waist band of my jeans.
"Luca..." I muttered, my heart beat fast and I found it hard to think at all. But I nodded slightly, kissing him back. I was ready for this, I loved him. His thumbs hooked into the back of my jeans at the waistband, dipping under and tugging slightly. I placed my hands on top of his, helping him push them down over my waist.
Luca's desire pressed against me as he pushed up close, his hands roaming my body without the slightest hint of hesitation. Well, he did say he was better at lust.
"Still curious." I mumbled, but allowed him to take over, I was utterly lost right now; everything but my instincts failed me. I wasn’t sure about anything right now. My panties slid down my legs with no help from either our hands; his boxers followed shortly after as he pushed me backwards onto the sofa.
"Luca..." I mumbled. I was slightly worried; I had never been in this situation before. It all happened so quickly.
"You do know what you're doing right?" I asked I could feel my breath quicken and I almost lost it as I realised where we were, what we were about to do.
"You've never done this before, have you?" I couldn’t say it so bluntly,
I shook my head, embarrassed. "No."
"Well that's okay. I have no idea how good I am." he laughed and kissed me again. "I'll try n be gentle."
I nodded, "okay. I trust you." I kissed him back firmly; suddenly under that last kiss I did trust him.
"Good," he murmured as he lowered himself over me, easing him into my body.
I made my mis-matched eyes stare into his and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his waist I pulled him closer to me. It stung for a while as he moved, but as he smiled back, it seemed to fade. "Oh, Luca." I whispered, the new sensation taking over me, “mmm” he grunted back apparently words had failed him so I simply kissed him passionately, crushing his lips on mine. He returned the kiss firmly, his movements getting faster and harder. I knew he was nearing something, but I didn't feel the same way. I wondered what was wrong for a second, before I just relaxed, enjoying the moment. His breathing got heavier and a couple of minutes later, he pulled away, finishing off outside of me.
"Luca..." I mumbled, looking up at him. I could feel my eyes sparkle as I smiled, kissing him softly.
He grinned, returning the kiss lightly. "I should start carrying condoms." he laughed, his hands still on my body.
I nodded, "yeah. I love how you're already planning for next time." I laughed.
"Ah, thank you," he muttered sleepily.
"S'ok" I smiled mirroring his tone when he said it before kissing his cheek one last time. I waited for him to close his eyes first. He smiled his arm still around me I felt him slip into sleep and I allowed myself to do the same. Once again, I dreamt of Luca that night.