She walks ahead of me slightly and I slow down. I hadn't even thought about it, I just kissed her and now she's freaking out. I sigh heavily and curse myself for being an idiot. I watch her carefully as she stumbles slightly, her tired steps tripping her up as she falls asleep standing. I lower her gently to the floor again with telekinesis. The town isn't far now, and I figure if she's tired enough to fall asleep walking, she won't wake up if I carry her again.
We find Rayn's mate and he sells me a second hand BMW sports thing for $300 and a bag of heroin. It's a good deal, I guess. By the time I'm actually in it, though, I'm in too shit a mood to be able to drive the goddamn thing anyways.
So I put Gemme in the passenger seat at the front and sit in the back with Alice. Rayn drives and I warn him to keep the speed reasonable. He nods and we set off. I sit with Alice on my lap.
"You okay, beautiful?" I ask wearily, trying to keep my mind busy, away from the stinging in my chest as Gemme's voice snaps at me, telling me to put her down because I kissed her for one measly second.
"No... what happened to mommy?" she asks and I hug her gently, sighing.
"Those men that attacked her made her forget everything," I tell her.
"So... so she doesn't know who I am?" poor kid.
"No. She doesn't know who any of us are."
"Then, why is she still with us?" Good question.
"I don't know, beautiful," I mumble sadly, "but I'm glad she did come with us," I guess. I mean I know she has to get her memory back, but it's fucking hurting.
"Why is she crying?" She asks as something wet drips down Gemme's cheek, landing in the space between the chairs. I stare at the shining trail on her cheek for a moment, surprised.
"I- I don't know," I say again, resisting the urge to wipe the tear away.
"I want mommy back," she whines slightly and I kiss the top of her head.
"I want her back too," I whisper, blinking in surprise at myself as tears well up again, this time spilling over. I see Rayn flash me another concerned look in the rear view and I have to look away. Rayn is being serious for the first time in his life and I'm crying through it.
"I said I was sorry, didn't I? I'm trying right?" Gemme murmurs in her sleep and I look up again. "Of course, silence." She sighs, shifting in her chair slightly. What, is she actually talking to me? And then I remember, so long ago, when she was talking to me in her sleep before, but it was like a proper conversation, ‘cause she could hear me.
"Sorry," I mutter. She sighs again. "I'm sorry I kissed you while we were walking... I didn't think."
"No, I figured as much." I sniff and wipe away the straying tears. "It could've been worse. Don't worry yourself about it."
"No, I know, it just... got to me. I hope you get your memory back soon," because this is killing me.
"Yeah, I hope so too." I want to at least be able to kiss you again without you freaking out and trying to walk off.
"If I find the guy who did this to you, I'm gonna-" I stop short, remembering Alice is still listening.
"I don't like fighting," she says and I nod, wiping away another tear.
"I know. You've never liked fighting. Yet somehow, you managed to fall for the guy with the most explosive temper in the whole state." I smile wryly.
"Hmm, I dunno how I did that either."
"You saw a glimpse of something beautiful and you wanted to see it all," I murmur, "you saw my true colors." I hope she remembers.
"That's when I saw how happy I made you and how your happiness made me happy I thought this was it, this was all that I wanted." She paused, "I didn't want anything to happen to you."
"No, well nothing ever did really happen to me. Well, apparently I got worse at being a good boyfriend," I add sullenly under my breath. And I wasn't exactly good at that to begin with.
"I would fight every war to get you back..." She sighs again. "You meant that much to me." Past tense. Ouch.
"You mean that much to me, too. I just haven't figured out a plan to get you back yet," I need to work on that one. How do I save you from your own mind? How did you save me from mine, when they fucked up my power?
"If we weren't in a car... I guess... we could've tried something."
"We can always get out of the car," I shrug slightly.
"Okay then," she says and Rayn doesn't need prompting to stop the car in the first lay-by we come to. I get out and put Alice on Rayn's lap. She gets out too, facing me. She looks up. "Kiss me." I hesitate, for a second, before putting my arms around her waist and putting my lips on hers gently. She pulls away. "Hmm, nope. Imagine I'm your Gemme. The Gemme you knew and loved." Past tense, ouch again.
I close my eyes and try to put my mindset back a few hours in time to just before we got to the trucker's stop. Holding her firmly, I kiss her warmly, remembering the warm feeling as I hugged her and we smiled. She closes her eyes and eventually kisses me back, her arms returning my embrace. As she warms up to the kiss a bit more, I deepen it slightly, hoping she doesn't stop and slap me for it. She opens her eyes, but doesn't stop, just looking into mine. I don't stop either, but I wonder vaguely what she's looking for as we stand there like that, just gazing into each other's eyes, kissing.
"Looking for love," she tells me. I close my eyes again and put as much love as I can into the kiss, wishing she didn't have to look for something that over the last couple of weeks has been coming completely naturally. "I... I..." She stutters slightly, then finally manages to match the love in my kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too," I murmur, hope rising in me again.
"I'm sorry... that's all I remember. That's all I have, the memories are still a little fuzzy."
I finally break the kiss, but I keep holding her, smiling shakily. "That's okay. I'll be patient." Because fuck knows you've been patient for me long enough.