It felt like I was in a dream. A nightmare and I wanted to wake up and be in the world Luca had created. Well, that he told me about. But, Luca was my boyfriend... it could have been worse. I could have been his fiancé. I... I don’t know what to think. Now, this Alice, she was five years old and adopted me as her mother? How was I meant to see her?
“Umm... do I have any special things with me? I dunno something to help me remember?” I asked as I looked dumbly up at the bus. It had a giant Phoenix on it. The Phoenix, it made me feel funny. I felt really funny.
"I dunno, it's not like I go through your stuff. As far as I know you've only got your clothes with you," he muttered.
"What about this?" I asked pointing to the phoenix. "This makes me feel funny. What does it mean to me?" I couldn’t really believe that I was asking someone else about me.
“You never told me. I remember healing it though, a couple of nights after you got it done."
"After I got it done? What are you on about?"
“The... the tattoo on your back. Of the phoenix."
"I have a tattoo!?"
"You have three; the phoenix on your back and two dragons on your arms." Oh my, I have tattoos, wow. I don’t believe that for a minute.
"No, you are kidding!" I exclaimed, taking my top off. I looked at my arms and sure enough... "Oh my word,” I walked onto the bus. I looked around, desperate, desperate to find something else. I want to know, I want to know everything. I’m going insane. I ran upstairs, “where’s my case? Where’s my bed?” I almost pleaded for the answer. He had followed me up and pointed to the bed that was near me. I tore off the sheet, searching. I looked under the bed, my case. At least, I think it was mine. I plonked it onto the bed and opened it.
I tore out the clothes, nothing, nothing but clothes; nothing that could show anything of my life. My whole life... I don’t even know how old I am, how many years I have just lost. Everything. Gone, I knew nothing. I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t stop the tears, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Not like the tears would help. “I’ve just lost everything.” I sobbed, my hands running through my hair. “I’ve lost everything and I have nothing to show for it.”
He knelt beside me, his arm slipping around my shoulders... thank you. "You've got a house, back in Newberry. Everything's there.” I have a house, my God, what else? “What about your sketchpad? You were drawing in it a couple of days ago... what were you drawing?"
"I don't know, that's the point, I don't know!"
"One sec," he muttered. He disappeared downstairs and I waited, staring after him. Hopeful, I was hopeful of what he would return with. He came back with my sketchpad. He flicked through the pages, showing them to me. Most of them were of people, playing instruments. There were some of Alice, then one. One caught my eye.
I placed my finger over it. Luca, but, he had no top on. Two giant wings protruded from his back, softly shaded. He had a sword in his hand and a knight’s helmet was on the floor at his feet. I paused, my hand resting on the page I looked up at him questioningly. Something was trying so hard to push through to my mind. But I just couldn’t remember.
"It was a kind of thing we had... I was the knight in shining armour, and you were the phoenix. I save you and you heal me. Only I didn't manage to save you this time," he sighed. "Not sure what the wings are for, though. It's not the first time you've drawn me with wings, but I've never been sure why." The way he just tells me, it makes me feel really sad, like I’ve lost something so dear to me. I just don’t know what, or whether I’ll ever get it back.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why either." I muttered, looking into his eyes, that memory. Dark pools to get lost in. I remember now. I don’t know why, something he said triggered that memory. It seemed pretty insignificant though; just words, loads of words.
"Maybe you'll remember and enlighten me?" he half smiled.
“Oh I hope so.” With every inch of my heart I do.
"Umm, if you want, I can cancel a couple of gigs and take you back home. Maybe there's something there that'll help you remember."
"I couldn't do that."
"You're gigs must mean a lot to you. I can't let you give them up for me. I mean. I'm a stranger.... well no, I wasn’t was I?"
He tried to keep the half smile there, but his eyes betrayed him. "No..." I was breaking him. The look in his eyes... I was breaking him. Oh I’m so sorry.