When Luca appeared back at the bus, I was looking at my hands in despair, fallen from grace. I guess I never really saw myself as the type to beat up someone for harming the person I loved. We both died today, hopefully, for a new beginning; again. Dunno how many of those I’m gonna get. Dunno how many of those, I’m gonna need. I sigh, turning my hands over in front of my face, a disgusted look snarling down at their blood-stained appearance. “I have dog’s blood, on my hands.” I murmured as Luca came through the door.
He shrugged it off, "There's always the tap in the little bathroom thingy," he shrugged, pointing at the tiny toilet cubicle under the stair case. I know, but I’d feel like the queen in Macbeth. My hands may be clean, but they will forever be stained.
"I know... I just never thought... dunno what came over me,” I shook my head, sighing at his silence I got up. I moved to the tiny cubicle and washed off my hands. Eugh, I watched as the dark red blotches turned pink in the water, swirling down the sink. I felt sick again; just from the images of his swollen body where I had beaten him up. I pushed them from my mind, moving back toward Luca.
I tried to form a smile on my face as I stood, looking at him. I wanted to say something. I just wasn’t sure what. Once again, I couldn’t put my feelings into words...and I used to be so good at it.
"I'm sorry I left you outside alone..." he muttered sheepishly, "I just kinda figured that you wanted some time to yourself... my asking what was wrong hadn't gotten anywhere and-" he cut himself off, trying to smile back. "Sorry."
I held up my arms for a hug, rather pathetically I might add, "You couldn't have foreseen what was going to happen." That was meant to be my power and even I didn’t see it coming so... you’re forgiven Luca. He put his arms around me firmly and placed his lips on mine. I returned the kiss with a smile, which had become a little more genuine. “You’re forgiven Luca.” I repeated because I figured there was no point in saying it to myself. He was the one that needed to hear it.
“Thank you," he murmured quietly, holding me against him protectively as if he expected someone else to try something any second now. I didn’t mind, I liked it. But it brought something out of me and I could only compare myself to Alice as I hugged him back like a child.
"You bring out the true me Luca... I can't say I like it." I laughed softly, although the words weren't entirely false. I try to act tough, like nothing can stop me. But who am I kidding? I’m nothing but a kid myself. I’ve just discovered the wide world and I’m falling... it’s swallowing me whole.
I needed a protector, even if I don’t always agree with him, that’s what I need. Luca is what I need. "I could say the same to you," he laughed slightly too.
"Then we're even." I whispered and he smiled. I had forgotten why I was so upset with him in the first place. Now all I really thought of is how I’m meant to be a mother to a kid when I’m just a child myself. I don’t mean my age. I mean that I have only just found... well, anything really. I have only just found, most importantly, myself. My true self and it’s a soft, pathetic kid. Oh, Luca... what’re you gonna do with me?