I instinctively wrap my arms around him, my head resting on his shoulders and instantly, his arms appear round my waist. I’m nineteen; nineteen and I feel like I’m thirty. I’m looking after a kid, Luca and the band. I’m trying to make sure everyone’s safe and being a mother to them all. There was something on my mind, I feel like I’m growing up too fast. People would say, “You have your whole life ahead of you,” they have no idea.
But, I would love for Alice to go back to her father, but I would rather her be with people that love her than with a father that doesn’t. But to the matter at hand, I digress.
Luca wants me to teach him to read. It shouldn’t be too hard, I’ve been helping Alice. I dunno teaching Luca may be a little harder. He’s older. I’ll try my best though. He’s on such a high pedestal at the moment; his pride is the thing that means the most to him. He needs to move past that and allow me to teach him. I can’t do anything if he is resilient.
I pull him a little closer, squeezing a little tighter. I don’t want to be like Ben and knock him of his pedestal, just bring it down a little. I want him to relax and I guess I want to see, possibly even hear that he has faith in me. I don’t believe after so long I still have doubts about how much I mean to him. My word, I’m so stupid.
As much as I want to teach him to read, I do have some reservations. I don’t want him to read Damien’s diary. I want to know what it says too, but I would prefer to hear it from his mouth. I don’t like going behind people’s backs when it comes to their feelings. I sigh.
“Luca...” I start, no; I don’t want to tell him. Crud, now I have to think of something else to say. Umm... ah! I don’t know... “I love you.” I blurted.
"I love you too... what were you gonna say before?" This is why I should think before I speak.
"Hmm, oh... it's nothing. Don't worry yourself with it." I mumbled into his shoulder.
"See, now I'm just curious," of course he would. But, if I was to tell him, I wouldn’t know where to start.
"Yes well, don't be."
"I'm not worrying," he shrugged, pulling the top off a beer.
"Good, drop it." He rolled his eyes and sat down next to me again. We sat there in silence for quite a while before I finally plucked up the courage to talk again without my voice shaking. "So, when d'ya wanna start?"
"I dunno.... when I've gotten over humiliating myself."
"You're not! I don't believe you don't feel comfortable admitting things to me." Oh crap. Damn it I’m gonna keep my mouth shut. That’s it. I growled to myself and fidgeted in my seat.
"It's embarrassing! A five year old can read better than me! Wouldn't you be embarrassed?"
"Not if I was talking to you about it."
"Okay, well I'm embarrassed; I've always been embarrassed about it."
"Right, well, when you swallow your pride tell me." See, I told you. I told you he was stuck on a pedestal.
"Hey! I told you, didn't I? Isn't that swallowing it enough?"
I sighed, turning back the time by erasing his memories for the past half an hour, for God’s sake. "I love you Luca." I smiled, again, this time, without hesitating.
“I love you too.”