Luca: one step forward, ten back.Mature

 

It’s been a week or so since I last saw Gemme. She’s been on my mind ever since, and the only thing that shuts her up is the drugs. I try, but my performance on stage has gone down the shitter and I’m depressed again.

Right now, we’re in North Carolina. I’ve been digging my heels in about going to South Carolina, but Rayn wants to go back and the other two have never been there before. Basically, I’m outvoted, but no one’s been too forceful about it yet, mainly because the last time it came up I lost it and destroyed the hotel room I’d been in. Kat still has a black eye from it, as well.

I flop on the bed in the hotel we’re in at the moment, alone, sober, craving, and going slowly insane.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry to say, I still love you.”

The words float in front of my eyes and I can’t seem to erase them. Even in my sleep, she haunts me. Damien told me I looked ill yesterday. I haven’t been sleeping, spending longer with the drugs. I didn’t say anything. He got the message.

Phil walks in and stands over me, speaking. He’s stopped caring if I’m listening or not.

“... going to South Carolina tonight, Cancer, whether you like it or not,” he says. I put my hands under my head and look up at him.

“Why?”

“Our fan base down there is one of our strongest. Y’know, sometimes it wouldn’t hurt to actually say why you don’t wanna go there or what’s on your mind, instead of smashing things up.” Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. It’s not like I can control the smashing thing either. Telekinesis + my temper + drugs = unpredictable and messy.

“Yeah, sure,” I mutter, looking back up at the ceiling. He sighs and slaps a hand to his forehead, walking out of the room again.

A moment later, I’m going through my bag, looking for my heroin.

And then I realise I took it all last night. Clever.

My temper is at snapping point already and when Kat comes in, I lose it. Again.

“Get out!” I scream at her. Her eyes widen, alarmed. She’s not even shut the door yet. I push her back. She stumbles as I shove and trips backward into the door frame, but keeps going, staggering out into the hallway. I slam the door shut and lean on it, gritting my teeth.

“What did I do?” Kat cries on the other side of the door.

“You didn’t fucking do anything!” I yell, “the world doesn’t revolve around you, you stupid fucking whore!”She mumbles something I don’t hear as I lock the door and move away from it. She bangs on the door and I walk over to the window, throwing it open and jumping out, using telekinesis to soften the landing.

I run, and I run fast. I need a hit, and I need it now. I don’t care what it is, just someone please, give me something!

 

Rayn found me a few hours later, passed out in a drug den. I’m sitting in the passenger seat, half asleep. He bribed me out of the den with more narcotics and then spiked my drink with a sleeping pill. I just woke up about five minutes ago. I’m still too out of it to be angry, and Rayn looks relieved that I’ve not said anything yet. I stare out of the window, watching as familiar scenery passes me by, and I realise we’re heading for Orangeburg, a bigger town just outside of Cameron.

At least Newberry is still about an hour away from here, I guess.

I hope Gemme doesn’t come again.

In this state, there’s nothing to keep her from filling up my mind and as we drive into the town, and as I think about her, I unwillingly remember all these times I’d managed to push so far back I’d convinced myself they were all dreams. Like the beach, when she was there for me on a bad come down, her giving in to me.

And I find myself wishing I had something like that again – the sense of security I had before Gemme fucked Benny behind my back, someone to love and be loved by. I’d finally learnt what I’d wanted to, before my trust was broken and my temper returned.

I blink and try to snap out of it before I make myself cry or something equally embarrassing as that. Closing my eyes, I try to go back to sleep and ignore the chances of Gemme finding out we’re here.

(NB: I can't seem to make the rest of the text go back to normal, so it's stuck in italics til protag wants to stop fucking around)

The End

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