He leaned closer, his lips inches from mine, teasing me. I smiled and closed the gap, my lips grazing his and somehow he used his lips to pull an “I love you,” from mine. I feel sorry for him though because no matter how much I say it, it feels cold, empty...dead. My heart, which is what I need to bring those words to life, still belongs to Luca. But, he was right. I’ve been sat in the ashes for too long. Go away Luca.
He squeezed me gently with a smile. "I love you too," he murmured. It was like a knife through my heart, I felt like I had stolen his heart and I knew I would break him if I gave it back.
Then I thought, I couldn’t do this, I needed to tell him everything. So, I might as well start with the worst secret. I pulled back slightly, looking down at his knees. "I...I have something to tell you though."
"Oh?" His voice seemed so innocent and I fought back a whimper, I can’t do this. I just can’t.
"Something I'm deeply ashamed of." I dodged, hoping, somehow, he wouldn’t follow up. I knew this was a futile hope however.
"What is it?"
"I mean I'm really unhappy and sorry about it." I dodged again, I expected him to snap and tell me to get on with it. Perhaps I was too used to Luca.
"It's okay. You know you can tell me anything," he smiled softly. Oh, I feel like crying, he’s so sweet and innocent, I can’t do this... I have to do this.
"Luca thinks you're dead." I blurted, hoping I could swiftly say it and move on. He fell silent, making me instantly regret telling him. "I'm sorry, I'll just go. I should've told you earlier." I mumbled, rising from his lap and looking around for my coat. Why do I always misplace my clothes?
“No, no!" he protested, grabbing my hand, "I just didn't know what to say... why does he think I'm dead?" Well, if that wasn’t the million dollar question.
"I didn't want him to keep chasing me. I knew he would be better off, I had another premonition, well, I don't know what it was. I just know it was right and I had to let him go without him coming back to me." I explained, after I re-read that it just sounds like a mountain of excuses.
"So you figured you would make it look like I'm dead? That's one way of doing it, I guess..."
"I'm sorry, I'm deeply sorry, I said that. I just didn't want any secrets; I thought I'd start with the biggest one." I mumbled, finally finding my coat on the back of the chair... that wasn't there before I swear it.
“Yeah well... thanks. For telling me, I mean."
"Of course, as I said, I'll go; you'll probably need some time to calm down." Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.
"I'm not angry, Gemme. You don't need to go anywhere."
I froze at his words, "What, really? You're not going to blow and hit me?"
"Of course not, why would I do that?" I dunno, ask Luca.
"Heh, nothing, it's fine." I mumbled. "Come on, it's your birthday, d'ya wanna go somewhere? What d'ya wanna do?"
"Honestly? I'm happy just staying in with you. Birthdays are just another day now I'm over the legal drinking age," he shrugged, smiling. Okay, you’re not getting drunk while I’m here.
"Hmm, okay. So... what d'ya wanna do?" I laughed. "It would be boring just sitting with me, I'm sure."
"Anything, we can go out if you want, or go to the cinema... I dunno," he laughed, "I hadn't really thought about it."
I laughed. "You're no help." I sighed, motioning for him to sit down before I sat down on his lap again, "Well, perhaps... I have no idea either." I laughed, after a while, my lips slipping back onto his.
"Well I know how not getting any bothers you," he smiled, kissing me back; I don’t know if I’m ready, “you’ve been sat in the ashes for a long time.” Shut up, Luca and get out of my head! Suddenly, the most random thought came into my head of Jeremy and how, even though he had been in a car crash he still chased after him. I bit my lip, you gave everything for me and I let you down.
Oh, thinking of Jeremy, over these past two months I’ve been going to Fencing classes and Tae-kwon-do, I suddenly got very fast and very deadly. Without Luca I figured I’d need it. I also kept an oriental Katana on the wall from Japan. It was rather easy to pull from its sheath though.
“I’m sorry for that lie too.” I sighed, but the tension in the air rose. I could tell Ben expected something; even Cosmo caught the cue and dashed outside.
He arched an eyebrow, "anything else you wanna tell me today?" Now that I think about it that was the second biggest lie, the first being that my heart wasn’t his.
"Umm, you already know you don't have to carry condoms round for me... not like you do anyway."
"Nothing else?" he queried.
"Nope," I murmured, shaking my head. He smiled and I looked at him with a small furrow of my brow, "what?" I half-laughed as I began smiling too at his joyful expression.
“Nothing," he shrugged, still smiling. "I just missed you and your strange ways."
"Umm... thanks, I guess," I mean, was that really a compliment?
“Don't worry; it's not a bad thing."
"Oh, okay... if you're so sure." I laughed, leaning in to kiss him again, my knees on either side of his legs. "So, d'ya want your present?" I whispered into his ear.
"Sure," he murmured, kissing me again.
"I hope you're not too rusty old man." I grinned, my hands stroking his legs as I talked.
"Kept it well oiled, don't worry about that," he chuckled, letting his hands stray to my thighs
"Hmm, I'm not worrying." I smiled, "I think I need to be checked over..." I whispered, undoing my shirt. "What d'ya think?"
"My memory doesn't do your body justice. I definitely need a refresher." I’m glad I was that memorable. I growled in my head. But I shouldn’t argue, that’s what broke me up with Luca. "You're welcome to help yourself."
"Mmm," he hummed, kissing me on the lips quickly, before kissing down my neck and on to my chest. He shifted our positions, pushing me down on the sofa so that he was above me, moving back as he continued to kiss down my stomach to the waistband of my jeans so I hooked my thumbs beneath my jeans and arched upwards beneath his touch, but he took the hint and began unbuttoning my jeans, he put his hand between my legs and moved back up to kiss my lips again.
My thoughts flickered to Luca and I stopped myself from calling out, I just focused on twining my tongue around his. As he flicked his thumb against my skin, he pushed my jeans down further with his other hand, moving back to remove them completely. I pulled him back to me, kissing him softly as I pulled off his shirt, my fingers tracing his tattoos gently. He smiled as he kept teasing me, his touch alternating between hard and soft. I slowly pulled down his jeans too, but it was so hard to keep my mind focused. Pulling down my pants, he pushed a finger inside of me and flexed it, kicking his jeans aside.
"Oh... my God." I resolved the matter as I began to writhe beneath him. He pushed in another finger and worked me up to the edge, smiling as he kissed me.
"Oh..." I moaned, "Please..." I begged as he took his lips from mine for a second. "Please take me..." With a grin, he tugged off his boxers and obliged me, taking me with a hungry glint in his eyes. "Oh, God, yes..." I murmured, my arms wrapped around his waist. He growled, thrusting into me forcefully.
"Oh, Ben." I smiled, pulling his lips to mine to silence myself before I made a mistake. He kissed back hotly before breaking it to move faster within me.
"Oh l...I love you." No, I was so close... even when I said God I thought of Luca. Plus, from the flight coming back I was a little tired.
"I love you too," he grunted, grinning as he felt me tense beneath him.
"Happy birthday," I whispered.
"Thank you," he groaned, nearing his own climax.
"Come on, let go." I whispered my hands on his back as I pulled him closer. He moaned wordlessly, obeying me.
"Come on..." I murmured, wriggling out from beneath him I took his hand. "Let's go to bed."
He returned the grip and kissed me softly on the lips, "sure." I smiled to him as I led him upstairs to the bedroom. I slipped under the covers and patted the space next to me welcomingly. The inn was empty, surprisingly enough, Alex had been gone for a long time and I was starting to get a little worried. Climbing in beside me, he smiled and put an arm around me. I smiled back weakly, slowly inching toward him. I realised how easy sex was compared to this. “You okay?” He wondered and I nodded.
“I’m just tired; I’ll be fine in the morning.” I smiled, closing my eyes wearily as if to prove a point. He could have said something after that but I ignored him, pretending to sleep. Luca, please... get out of my head.