It doesn't take me long to fall asleep. I'm vaguely aware of Gemme and her anger at the images in my head that I can't control anymore. I watch sleepily as she reduces drummer boy to tears and yawn a little. C'mon Gemme, if even I can't be bothered with it then why are you? I'd rather just forget about it.
When I wake up sometime late in the morning, I groan and roll over, not wanting to get up and have to face anyone today. Eventually though, I realise that sleep is well and truly gone, and drag myself off downstairs.
"Cancer," Gemme greets me. I arch an eyebrow slightly. "Good morning."
"So, good night with Damien?"
"Huh?" I ask, though the memory instantly surfaces and I have to fight not to flip out over it.
"Mmm, didn't think so. I'm surprised you didn't go for the local slut instead," she growls.
"...Sure. I'm gonna go have a shower." And do my utmost to avoid Damien until the show tonight. As much as I hate him right now, I'm not about to let the band fall apart. If I kicked Damien out, Phil would walk.
"Yeah, I'll get one after you; I need to get the blood out of my hair from where you killed me!" I just walk off, ignoring as she calls after me. Wouldn't want me to kill her again now, would we? "Luca, make sure there're no gays watching you while you're naked."
"At least they fuck better than you!" I shout, resisting the urge to fucking run back in there and punch her.
"So you prefer male company?" she shouts back.
"Oh, yeah, that's right, babe! I'm secretly fucking repressed!" she laughs.
"Okay, well you have fun with that, sweetie!" Or not.
The shower itself is pretty uneventful, but my head's working overtime. I thought I apologised to her last night for whatever it was that happened? I told her I loved her, and I meant it. And now she's yelling at something that wasn't my fault? Damien can tell me I came to him for sex all he wants, he still let me. And part of me wonders how much of that is even true. I can't remember. I just remember it felt fucking weird, and sore, and he kept promising me it'd feel good soon.
I shake my head, clearing it of the thought. I feel disgusting. No matter how long I spend in the shower, I feel no better and eventually, I just give up.
I wander back over to the bus, about an hour later.
"Feel better now?" Gemme asks. Do I really need to answer that one? I shake my head and go upstairs to get dressed. "Cancer... I need to tell you something."
"What?" I ask pulling a vest top on, wondering where my spare skinnies went.
"I uh, sorta lost it last night. I beat up Damien and sorta left him on the floor, winded and naked. Do you... do you think he'll be okay?"
"Oh yeah. I saw that. It kept me awake," I kneel on the bed, bending over the edge to look for the pants. "He'll live."
"Oh, it did? I'm sorry." My head is too far under the bed to answer. Not that I'd have really said anything anyways. I hear her lean against the wall at the top of the stairs. "Cancer?" oh, and what's with that, by the way? What's wrong with my real name? "Cancer please." There you are, you little bastards. I pull out my pants and brush the cigarette ash off them. They're dirty, but they'll do. I'll go into town and- "Luca Tyler!"
"Yo, I'm listening. Don't yell."
"Well just face me, just for a minute please." I shuffle around so that as I pull my jeans on, doing that sexy skinny jeans dance, I'm facing her."Why do you always run from everything bad that happens? Why won't you just face me?"
"Well what's happened now? I trust you, and I apologised last night, but all I get this morning is shouting."
"I was just, I was still cooling off and I freaked myself out by beating up Damien. That and I don't know what to do. Luca please... I don't know how I can stay here. I want to, I really do but it hurts so much... please..."
"Please what? I don't know what you want me to do, Gemme." She gives me this look like a kicked puppy.
"I just, I want you close and to stop drifting away from me..."
"Well according to you, I'm not drifting, I'm pushing you away. I asked you how I could stop and you said trust you. I do trust you. I don't know what else I can do about it."
"How about just love me and stop taking drugs?"
"You make it sound so easy, Gemme," I say irritably.