Waking up butt naked next to Damien was... not a good way to wake up, to say the least. I took one look at the blissed out expression on his face that said it all and flipped. Me sitting bolt upright and practically shouting the place down was enough to wake him up, funnily enough. He looked panicked and shuffled away from me.
"Don't fucking take advantage of me because I'm too high to care!" I yelled, scrabbling for my clothes, but finding them was easier said than done. I found my boxers, at least. "Fucking fag," I spat at him and he flinches.
"Y-you came to me, Cancer," he mumbled, trying to cover himself. I looked around the room, trying to figure out where I even was. The dressing room back stage? Something like that. How many places can your clothes hide in a room like this?
"You shouldn't have fucking listened to me then, should you, you stupid dick!" I shouted, back handing him, "where're my fucking jeans?"
I stumble back to the bus, my shirt missing, the zipper on my pants broken and my head hurting like someone punched my brain. Oh, and the sex hair. I pause to sort it out in the dull reflection on the bus window. I give up after a couple of seconds. Fuck what anyone else thinks. It's four in the morning.
The sight I'm greeted with when I go back into the bus, is Gemme and that guy she went off with earlier. He's asleep, but Gemme's stayed up. She looks up, her expression happy until she realises who it is. Her face drops as I look from the roadie to her.
"Fuck off," I spit, heading upstairs.
"Wait! Luca..." do I wait? Of course not. "Luca!" she follows me and I stop at the top of the stairs, blocking her path up. "What have I done to you!?" she snarls, "I've done nothing but stand by you and you continue to hurt me, why!"
"Why're you attacking me? You're the one that thinks the roadie guy's cute. Why don't you just fuck off back to him before you wake Annie up?"
"You know full well why I can't do that! Sure, he's cute. I don't love him, I don't even fancy him. I have an opinion as to who's good looking don't I? I'm not the one screwing anything that walks when I get angry! Don't I have a right to have any friends that aren't druggies?" But I'm already walking away, mentally retreating and trying to block out the memories that are beginning to return to me from my coke fuelled accident with Damien. Of course, that means I'm mentally retreating from everything, including what Gemme's saying to me. She snarls and grabs me as I slip out of my jeans into a pair of sweat pants. "Luca, why are you doing this?" I glance over at Annie and cover Gemme's mouth.
"Wh-what's going on..." she murmurs, rubbing at her eyes sleepily. "Mommy! You're bleeding!" Gemme turns kinda sharply at this, knocking my hand away.
"Oh no, it's nothing, I got some stuff in my hair earlier... it's nothing, go on back to sleep sweetie." I don't say anything, going back to my attempt to get into bed and finally catch some shut eye. "Fine, screw you. I'm off. I'll be back in the morning to take Annie with me."
"I love you, Gemme," I mumble, "you knew I was a fuck up when you decided to take me on, you knew that no matter how hard I try, I would always. Fuck. Up." I sigh and roll over. I've already forgotten what I was trying to say, the walls inside my head becoming claustrophobic and cutting off pretty much everything. "Thanks for hanging around as long as you did." She sits down on the edge of the bed that I've got my back to.
"I know," she whispers, "I know, but I feel as if I've had one too many headaches over you," she laughs slightly. I don't say anything. Her words go in and rattle around in my head, but I can't seem to make much sense of them. "But, I love you too and I don't want to leave. But, you make me so confused..." She places a hand on my shoulder cautiously and I still don't say anything, still don't do anything. "I guess, all I mean is," she takes a slow breath, "I love you too even though you're killing me."
"I don't know how to stop, though. I told you before, my name isn't Cancer for no reason."
"I suppose if you just learn to trust me a little..." I nod slightly. I do trust you, Gemme, it's just the drugs and the multitude of issues I can't seem to get rid of that make it so hard for me to show you that. I sigh and close my eyes as Damien flashes through my head yet again.