What Would My Shrink Say?

Not so much one dream as several dreams with a recurring theme, being eaten alive by stuff.

Right now I'm reading a book about Chernobyl, the nuclear power plant that melted down in the Ukraine back in '86, and for the longest time I've had this weird idea that I'd like to go hunting wild boar and wolves in the irradiated Zone with an SVD rifle.


I start off getting out of a very clean GAZ-53 truck, and start wandering around some abandoned buildings looking for something to shoot. I find a Ukrainian soldier with an AK-47, he trades me for my SVD and starts making some tea while I continue to explore.

I wander around the building with a flashlight until I come across two more soldiers, but these ones want to arrest me, saying I don't have the right papers to be in the Zone (oddly enough they let me keep the gun). As they figure out what to do about me they hear a noise in the next room, and one of them goes to check, he screams and goes silent. His comrade runs to help, only to run back out and beat the hell out of me, screaming "What have you done? You killed him, you monster!"

Just then a man crawls out of that room, missing his body from the waist down, trailing organs and such (first of all; it's not the other soldier, and second; my imagination is very vivid, and I seem to have taken the whole 'organs' thing from something I saw once). He crawls towards us on clawed hands, staring at us with a blank expression and dead-looking eyes. It makes it's was over to us, crawls up the soldier's leg, and starts pulling him apart. I stand there like an idiot until it finishes with the Ukrainian, only opening fire with my rifle when if starts coming after me, but even a full magazine of 7.62mm doesn't even faze it.

I run out of the building and past the friendly soldier from before (as I run past he tells me that the tea is ready, just before getting ripped to bits himself); I make it to the truck, but the thing crawls in the window and starts clawing at my belly and eating me alive :(


I start off in a UAZ-469 jeep with a Ukrainian hunting guide, we are in the zone, yet again. We stop in a village and get out, and I fix a bayonette to my SVD and make my way up a steep forest trail without my guide, and after finding a small building in a level clearing I decide to wait for him. As I sit there waiting I hear a noise, and out from the bushes comes a giant razorback boar, hell bent on killing me.

It knocks me to the ground and promptly starts going at my belly and eating my guts; I of course start cursing, and jab it in the head with my bayonette (which it doesn't even notice), then fire into it's head at point blank (which only causes it to look at me, and then go back to eating me).


I start off walking down a foggy road with a collection of people who look like they work for an accounting firm, except for the shotguns and rifles they carry. It seems the world has suddenly ended and we have been plunged into the apocalypse a la The Road (which, if you haven't read it, is bloody bleak and scary)!

We suddenly realise that we are out of food and are suffering from exposure, so while the main group stays with the study furnature (yes, it seems we've been carrying a two sofas, an arm chair, a table, a rug, and a couple of floor lamps) I got with a fat, bald man, and a girl in a tracksuit to scout ahead for food and shelter.

We leave the other behind in the fog, but I can see shapes moving through the falling ash all around us; then the coyotes start howling. I can't see too clearly, but it seems that my comrades are knocked down and killed by the dogs, so I decide to run back to the others, firing my shotgun blindly behind as I go.

In a few seconds I'm back with the group (they're all seated comfortably on the sofas and chair), screaming "The coyotes took them, they ate them! We didn't find any food or shelter, there are man eating dogs chasing me, we are either going to freeze, starve, or get eaten alive, WE ARE DEAD!" No sooner do I stop screaming then a coyote lunges from the ash and fog, knocks me over, and starts eating my guts. And just like the wild boar I fire my shotgun into it's head at point blank, and AGAIN it does absolutely nothing!

I turn to my comrades sitting around watching me die and beg for help, but they all reply, "Sorry man, it our break time, as mandated by the union".


I already knew I was afraid of coyotes (even if they aren't bulletproof or willing to take on several armed adults), but what's with the whole "Animals and monsters eating my belly" thing? That's just plain weird!

The only dream I've had in the last few weeks that hasn't been about getting eaten alive was about me happily welding something while wearing a fedora and three piece suit, rather than a mask and bib-and-braces.

It's actually really vague what exactly I'm welding or why, although it looks like I'm welding a piece of angle-iron to the forehead of a giant metal face, which is on the top of a space shuttle parked in a hanger.

The End

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