Twisted in a Loner's Head

Lionel

For a week, I was stuck inside of a holding cell. It was
colored dark gray, much like my current mood, and was so cold I couldn’t bring
myself to sleep no matter how hard I tried. This was me; the Loner. One for one
and one for none, that’s me. Alone forever will be my situation forever.

 I couldn’t say that I loved my parents so much. They were
constantly on business trips, and it came to the point where I couldn’t even
recognize them sometimes. However, they supported me and my living. Without
them… I had nothing. Literally nothing.

 Fortune came knocking on my door today; a large officer
stopped by and opened up the cell door. I immediately sat upright in my bed;
could this be an adoption, someone was claiming me? If at least one person was
willing to help me, my life might turn for the ever-so-slightly better.

 “We have a family that has offered to bring you into their
members. Follow me please” the officer instructed me. I leaped out of my bed.

 I bet the mom was incredibly nice, and the dad was
supporting. I bet the life I’m going into will be better than my previous one.
I bet that I’ll get some improvement. This is it… I followed the officer as I
was told to and entered the main lobby.

 What I saw crushed any hope I had of starting anew.

 Daniel and his parents presided in front of me, and I
just wanted to gun them all down. Then maybe I’d shoot myself.

 My mouth had dropped open, and it wasn’t hard to see just
how disappointed and angry I was. Daniel could see it too, and he hid his face
from me. The officer beckoned for me to go forward… but there was no way I
could.

 “Officer… I cannot go with these people” I said, my voice
steady. I noted the shock on their faces dully. It’s their fault they didn’t
know that their son was a complete jerk.

 “They’ve called for an adoption… you’re trying to turn it
down? You’d rather live by yourself, on your own in an orphanage?” the officer
questioned me, looking very confused.

 I nodded slowly, then picked up velocity over time. “I’m
completely certain of my decision, officer. I cannot live with these people.
They’re not family. They’re not even close to being family”.

 Before anyone could try and make me change my mind, I
turned around and ran away, back into the cold holding cell with the dark gray
walls. Daniel just wanted to torture me more I bet… I wonder how he feels now,
knowing he helped tear me down?

 Eventually, after some brief talking from outside in the
lobby, the officer came back, that look of confusion still stuck on his face.
He locked the door, glanced at me, then walked away. He obviously didn’t know
how sound my logic was.

 “Give it time… the boy will come around. Maybe a month or
two” I heard the officer advice the thunderstruck family. Let him talk… he’ll
have to force me at gunpoint to go with Daniel’s kin.

 The nerve of some people! To blow up my personal life and
come back to adopt me is enough! Is it so difficult to see when someone has had
their fill and wants you to just go and die slowly? I pulled the blankets back
over me, and I did something unheard of; I fell asleep.

As usual, I woke up in the morning to the same scenery,
but it was becoming more like home every passing day. I looked around at the
blank gray walls and saw nothing but empty space that was begging to be filled.

 One thing resided in my pocket, and I took it out now. It
was a key, given to me by Craig Johnson when he kidnapped me, and was gunned
down shortly afterwards. This key meant something, and I had struggled to
decipher it.

 It could have another use now… a makeshift writing
utensil. My mind was hurting, my emotions crammed inside of it for too long,
causing to give me a headache. If there wasn’t a notebook and a pencil, there
was a key and a wall.

 Slowly, carefully, I scratched the key against the wall,
and I was pleasantly surprised to see a clearly visible mark made. My brain
urged me to continue after noticing this successful experiment, so I kept
writing. Before I knew it, a full sentence was over my bed; ‘They’re all
against me, so let the guns trample them down in the latest time’. It sounded
weird, but not to me; I was going crazy, and everything was starting to make
sense.

 A police officer checked on me today to see the wall by
my bed covered completely with sentences. He seemed to mind this a lot, but
said nothing about it. He actually just departed awkwardly and no doubt told
someone about this weird habit I was developing.

 Weird as it was, it was opening my mind. I had never felt
so free in my life, and oddly enough it was in a holding cell. The key proved
to be strong and a great way to write whatever was going on in my head. Often,
my subjects pertained to Daniel, Claudia, Charles, and my parents.

 A week passed, and none of the orphanages claimed me;
they were, somehow, all full and unable to accommodate any more children. This fact
should have hurt me, but my crazed mindset couldn’t register it properly, which
was fine by me. The cell was becoming more of a home to me than my actual
house.

 No one came to visit, excluding the police officers that
gave me food daily. I liked their presence; they could admire my handiwork and
spread it about the station. I’d be infamous for covering the walls with all of
my thoughts.

 Cover the walls I did; a few days later, I couldn’t see
the dark walls anymore. All I saw was me, cut open to the world. I started to
read what I had, forgetting about the first phrase I crafted.

 ‘We’ve got plenty of lives in one, so we’ve got to have
some fun, it’s just some people get it better than others. The boy can go with
the girl, and that’s their way, they just need to remember to kick me in the
face on their way out. The girl crushed me, let’s crush her I said. They’re not
impervious, they’ve got walls but with holes. The boy needs a death sentence,
and I’ll hand it in to him, guide the subject in the bank and cash him on. My
friend should remember to stay strong, he’s the only one I’ve got, keep the
golden recklessness. The oldest went on the plane, but didn’t come back, but
why, I don’t know, let’s blame the boy I say. I did some math problems today,
eased the mind, impressed myself, my education surpassing the ground I’ve been practicing
with. The outside is a smile, the inside is a frown, you’ll all fall down in
the ground someday. My enemies have houses, a fortress, where are the cannonballs,
maybe under the bed. The officers adore my writing, I’ll make them a sweet
little book, except I’m busy now. This key’s got the whole world in it, and
more, is that what Craig meant, I should ask him, I can’t I said, he’d dead.
The boy hasn’t visited me nor has the girl; my sanity is intact for now, keep
the clothes on the hanger, but the car doesn’t work”.

 I heard a voice appear behind me before I could finish
observing my fabulous works. A police officer was standing behind me. “You’ve
got a visitor Mr. Stephens” he said flatly.

 I clapped my hands and laughed. “It’s about time that
they’ve got their homework done, just remember to tell them to wash their hands”.
It was a subliminal message that only made sense to me.

 I turned around and found myself face-to-face with
Claudia.

 “Hi” she offered me a greeting shyly, not even giving me
eye contact. She was in a wheelchair now; someone must have had to help her
around.

 “I… I came… came myself” she said, still keeping her eyes
off of me. I could tell from her body language that she was uncomfortable with
this.

 “Came yourself?” I replied in mock-awe. I wasn’t
completely convinced. “Please. Daniel!” I called out. “I know you’re hiding
back there, you cowardly jerk!”

 She looked up at me. “No, Lionel… it’s just me.
Admittedly, it wasn’t easy, but-“ She took notice to the writing on the walls
and let out a gasp. “What… what is that?”

 “This” I said, gesturing to the walls, “is what my mind
is, what it thinks”. I brought the key up so she could see it. “You see… this
key was helped me write… perfectly”.

 She looked at me strangely. “What’s wrong with you
Lionel? Daniel offers a spot in his family, for you, his caring, and you deny
it? He’s trying to be friendly to you… we all are! Why can’t you just accept
it?”

 I reared back my head and let out a hearty laugh. “You
aren’t my friend… believe me. You’ve spoiled my relationships and personal life
enough. I need you away from me… all of you!”

 She took a deep breath. “I’m here for something else…
something I’ve seen…”

 “Hopefully it’s the error of your ways” I commented
dryly.

 She disagreed. “I’m not going to stutter about this… I’m
not going to be shy around you with this…” She took a deep breath. “There was a
dream… it was a wedding. I was getting married, of course…”

 “I get it; you’re in love with Daniel. No need to
reiterate yourself” I responded, ready to get irritated.

 “No! It was you… you Lionel” she told me, and her voice
was steady, as she said it would be.

 I shook my head in denial. “You’re mistaken. You and I
aren’t one… and we certainly aren’t friends Claudia. It’s a dream for me, a
nightmare for you”.

 She came closer to me as though the bars separating us
meant nothing. “We are, Lionel… you think I’m so into Daniel you forgot me…
what we are. We’re friends… forever. And I need to do what a friend would do…”

 She took another deep breath. “I’ve stepped up, Lionel. I…
I can’t see you waste yourself away like this. I need to get this to you… I… I
care too much for you… that’s the truth”.

 “I’m adopting you, Lionel…” she said. “My family’s agreed
to do so. They’re open to it… it was my suggestion. Lionel… I…”

 This took me aback. I stepped away from her, and my mouth
dropped open. “You… what… you don’t…” suddenly, I felt a rush of anger overtake
me. “You don’t need me! You don’t care for me! Go off into your fantasy world,
just don’t take me in it! I’m in a road high above you! I can’t even see you
from here…”

 “Lionel-“

 “I need you all to leave me alone!” I shouted. Soon
afterwards, a group of police officers came over to see what had triggered my
outburst. The blame was put on Claudia, and she was asked to leave the
premises.

 She gave me one last look, one of true sadness. I’m not
her kind… she needs to let me go. Somehow, this look tore into my soul, and I
found myself tearing my eyes away from it.

“Give me a minute… please” she whispered to the officers, who obliged.

 “One” they said, reiterating what she stated.

 She came back over to me. “Lionel… why would you do this
to yourself? Do you need me to jump off a cliff until you understand I’d do
absolutely anything for you? Please… please come with me”.

 She stuck her hand through the bars and brought my head
up to look her in the eyes. “Please” she begged… she had resorted to begging.
This hit me hard… Daniel wouldn’t beg for me because he doesn’t care. She
wanted to me… I think she did… but I didn’t know.

 “Read the walls” I responded. “They say everything for
you”.

 Her eyes fell onto one line I had written recently, using
the German phrase I had been using so frequently;

 ‘It’s hard without the girl now… it’s hard… ohne dich. I
need her, but she doesn’t know. Will she ever know?’

 “Without you…” she whispered to herself. Unlike myself,
she was more educated with the language than I was and understood it easily.
She looked at me, a single tear falling from her eye.

The insanity was starting to deteriorate. “Claudia… if
you wish… I-“

 The officers came back around, this time with Claudia’s
family. They looked at me with that smile I remembered them having every time
they saw me. This was more of a family than Daniel… I could belong with them. I
was ready.

 However, my hopes were crushed as soon as their smile
disappeared. “Claudia, we’re calling the deal off” her mother said.

 Claudia turned around and looked at them crazily. “What?
No… no! He said he’d come with us!”

 “I will!” I said, repeating her.

 “Mr. Stephens, an orphanage called for your presence before
her family put in their offer. I’m sorry, but the deal has been taken off of
the table. However, you will be taken to the orphanage, which has a very
splendid-“

 “No… no!” I screamed at them.

 The officers instructed the family to leave, but I wasn’t
about to let that happen. I held out my hand through the bars and grabbed
Claudia’s, pulling her back to me. “You’re not going to take her away from me!
Not today! Not ever!”

 However, the police warned me to let go, and not just to
me, but to Claudia as well, who was clutching my hand tightly. With a little
work, she was jerked away from me.

 “Lionel!”

 “Claudia!”

 All I could hear was the silence that followed after the
loud slamming of a door. A quick memory of when Claudia moved struck me… and I
realized that she was moved away from me again.

 I took out the key and started writing again. Old habits
die hard, but live just as easily.

The End

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