Don't Waste My Time

Two scientists are standing front of a portal. One is holding a bowl of petunias. Suddenly a man in a Union soldier uniform steps out of the portal whistling. He stops in his tracks when he sees the scientists.

Union soldier: Where am I? I coulda sworn I was almost home!

Scientist 1#: You are at Area 51 and we are testing this time machine. (Holds up the bowl of petunias)

Union solder: Ain't that a bowl of petunias? My fiancee loves petunias.

Scientist 2#: No, we disguised it as a bowl of petunias to keep it from getting stolen.

Union soldier: So like I said before, what am I doing here!

Scientist 1#: Oh well you see as time progresses, certain details and events are lost to time. So we  would like to get that information firsthand.

Union soldier: You mean you want to interview me.

Scientist 1#: Er, yes.

Union soldier: So, how long is this gonna take?

Scientist 2#: Oh, about a year.

Union solider: What! I have to stay here a year!?!

Scientist 1#: Of course not!

Union soldier: Oh, phew.

Scientist 2#: We have to keep you here for ever.

Union soldier: What! But my fiancee, my friends, my life!

Scientist 1#: Well, you see, we can't have you going around and telling people.

Scientist 2#: So you can never leave.

Union soldier: So that bowl of petunias...

Scientist 1#: Time machine.

Union soldier: So that bowl of petunias brought me here?

Scientist 2#: Sigh. Yes.

Union soldier: Do I hear gunshots?

Scientists: What!

While they are distracted, the soldier grabs the petunias and starts to fiddle with them. A portal opens and he jumps through. The scientists follow him and they land in a jungle.

Scientist 1#: You idiot! 

Union soldier: I'm the idiot! You're the ones who were gonna trap me there for the rest of my life!

Scientist 2#: Relax! I have the time machine right...

He holds up the time machine, which had gotten crushed in all the commotion.

Union soldier: So... Do you have another one?

Scientist 1#: Why yes.

Union soldier: Really?

Scientist 1#: Of course not!

Scientist 2#: Wait do you hear that?

Everyone freezes as the trees in front of them begin to part...

Area 51

A bowl of petunias 

A war veteran

 

The End

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