A Fine Frenzy – Swan Song
Wretched, look at me, I lost it fumbling around the ground like some fool searching for it when I know I am never going to find it again. You get one chance with it, that’s the rules. How foolish of me to be so careless with it all those things I had planned, each one more selfish than the one before. Of course I would have given it up, eventually, that’s the rules. You find it, you use it and then you throw it back out there for someone else to find and you make their day. Oh, wretched wretched fool! How could I have been so stupid! How could I have been so idiotic to make it clear I had it to make it so well known that it was in my possession! If only I hadn’t of done so, if I only I had quietly hidden it in my pocket when I found it and then gone home quietly and calmly, tightly closed the doors and windows and then calmly told Mother I had found it and pulled it out then!
When I get home now she will no doubt have been informed about it, the gossips that she is friends with will have told her and then she’ll be sat there all happy and excited about the fact that we finally have it and I will have to tell her that I lost it. I will have to look at the disappointment on her face, our one chance for some luck in the family and I go and lose it! Oh, wretched wretched wretched me! I will have to hear our Eliza’s sickly cough and know that I held her future in my hand for ten precious minutes before I lost it. Oh poor Eliza, she has no hope now. Well, I suppose there is no longer any reason to search anymore. I know I am never going to find it. I might as well go home and face the music.
It’s been thirty minutes since I told Enid I’d found it. She would have headed straight for Mother’s after that. Mother will probably be sitting there all excited about my having it. She may even have cooked up something other than our usual spread for tea, something nice, maybe a bit of meat. I won’t be allowed some. Not after doing something so foolish as to lose it. I won’t mind though if they let Eliza have it, she needs all the food she can get. Two portions of meat will do her the world of good. She looks so frail these days. The doctors don’t think it will be too long, cost us two pound to be told that. We had to live off cabbage and bread for as many weeks.
Oh wretched wretched wretched wretched me! If only I hadn’t of lost it Eliza would have been able to come to school with me, I’d have shoes to wear in the winter months and we’d soon find ourselves round and fat on full meals. My stomach growls now just at the thought of all we could have had, all that it would have bought us. I’m almost home now just one more corner. I can barely walk, my bones are made of jelly, my feet of lead.
Wait just a moment, what is that, on the floor near the drain? Oh my! It is it! I have found it again! Oh happy happy days! Quick I must run in, give it to Eliza so she can be better. Oh, blessed am I to find it twice!