Fifteen Rules to Being Julianne

1. Always cry when someone hurts your feelings and always be offended when someone says you're sensitive or about to start your monthly cycle.

2. Always blame your messy house on the men you live with. Men are messy and therefor everyone will believe that it's really not your dirty dish on the floor.

3. When you laugh be sure to cover your face because your nose flairs uncontrollable , but take special care not to cover your eyes, because they sparkle when your happy.

4. Be so completely obsessed with clothes that you watch every Fashion Police, Project Runway, and Austin and Santino episode, but then only wear gray, black, and jeans for everything.

5. Love to cook and be sure to scare your roommate and husband with at least one questionable dish every week. Also they have to try it AND say they love it, because you will have already decided it needs to be played with and changed completely.

6. Miss your Papa everyday and know that deep down he would have fixed everything if he were still here, even if your mean, horrible family dares to call him slightly imperfect.

7. Cry when something reminds you of your sister, and miss her all the time like she were dead, but then get a grip because she just called today and you talked for two hours about nothing and everything.

8. Give in to loving everyone, because as much as you want to be that cool, jaded, punk rock girl, you're still the baby who can't help but love and snuggle everyone.

9. Always talk to your Mama in that baby voice she loves so much, even if your step-dad is right there and hates it.

10. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "My tummy used to be flatter, I like my hair better when it's straight, and ick, my face is too dry, but I have big boobs that my husband likes, and that will get the job done." And smile because it's the most honest thing you'll say to yourself that day.

11.  Have as little friends as possible, because they always end up being your family and you can never forget them.

12. Think that you can write, paint, dance, tell jokes, and sing because your sister said you can and has never been wrong about anything else, so logic forces you to believe it.

13. Love science, pigs, trampolines, and pools, while you hate math, pig-pen smells, exercise, and chlorine.

14. Make sure ALL emotions are BIG emotions and believe they are all valid, well thought out, even if you are crying because of the commercial, it was an awesomely sad commercial, I'm sure of it!

15. Be so contradictory that no one can ever label you. Wear a fancy dress to Wal-Mart one day and your old jeans to church the next. Love God and punk rock with all your heart. Make sure all your tattoos have amazing colors and pretty themes. Believe in the feminist movement and be a stay at home wife. Love and hate everything that makes you who you are.

The End

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