Before court, we got more messages from him. He had gotten angry at me and blamed my Mom and I for him not being able to heal. Which caused so much guilt within me, but I shrugged it off.
The morning of court came, and the anxiety was killing me. I would run to the bathroom, just to gag. It was pretty yucky. Mom left the house, and I couldn't help but remember all the nightmares I had had of getting a phone call from the police saying she had been shot by my half-crazed father.
Tavie was texting me verses, encouraging notes, all that good stuff all morning. I was trying to be strong, and frankly, I could have been a lot weaker than I was.
I waited. And waited. For two hours. It's awful to have to wait.
Then Mom came home, and here comes the story:
He didn't even show up. The judge was good to her and my Mom has sole custody of us kids. My Dad has to pay a lot of money to my Mom for taking care of us. My Dad gets no parenting time. We didn't have to talk to him. At. All.
But where there is good news.....there is usually bad news.
The judge was giving him one last time to show up to court, July 25th, and if he didn't show up, it was over. The divorce would be final. If he did, and he wanted to fight for parenting time, he would have to jump through so many hoops. He's not very good with hoops.
But that's ok. It really is. I blocked him on facebook, and for the first time in areallylong time I felt safe. I didn't feel like there was going to be police knocking on my door at any minute, that Dad was going to message me, that I would have to worry about seeing Dad, or protecting my brother's from him. And my stomach relaxed, and my shoulders released the tension.
But the day wasn't without it's struggles. Just because court had gone well.....doesn't mean the pain wasn't there for me.
I went to youth group that night, had a pretty good time, came home.That's when the fight started.The pain was horrible, and all I felt was the din of my head. I layed on the floor crying, wanting to self-harm but knowing that it was a short-term solution to a long-term problem. I got up, put on a movie, and went to bed.
It was a bittersweet kind of day.