The next morning we got up a little slower, and I took a shower. I started thinking about how I would be saying good-bye to our old house that day. I was still feeling good, until I got out of the shower and got sick again. I puked and angerly wondered what was going on. I told my Mom and she mumbled something about hoping I wasn't messing up my stomach. I got a smoothie and started to pack again.
Tavie was coming over with her Mom to help organize. She came over and we organized our new kitchen. It was fun, and it felt good. I wanted her to so badly sleepover, but she had had a busy weekend and couldn't. Oh snap. I was dreading going over to the house alone.
I smiled and said it was fine, I knew she had had a stressful week.
I started to feel really depressed and tried to shake it. I just couldn't. It wasn't within my power.
We loaded into the car, and pulled up into the driveway. I looked out my window and slowly got out. I started walking to my room, carrying some copies of paintings. I closed the door to my bedroom, and started crying. I pulled out the tape, and started taping the paintings on the walls along with a few of my favorite scriptures that were already up there. I started asking God questions. Why? Why now? Why do I feel like this? I finished taping it all up, and God spoke softly into my heart.
Peace he said. When I close one door, I open another one. Trust me.
Ok Lord, I'll trust you. I pulled out my camera and recorded the wall. I talked about how life is short, and that these painting represented a timeline of sorts. How the Mona Lisa's painter has died, but his legacy lived forever. I felt peace within my heart.
I took one last look at my room, and started to leave. I turned back around, and pulled the paper that had Jeremiah 29:11 on it off the wall and shoved it into my purse. I surveyed the room one last time, and closed the door.
I walked slowly around the house, seeing mental videos of the times and memories there. It was overwhelming but I felt at peace with it. I walked around outside and Abraham and I decided we would take a walk to our creek. We crossed it and walked around for only five minutes when Abraham decided he wanted to go back.
I kept going. I started running. I started crying. I started restating my questions.
I tripped and got mud on my pants. I buried my head in the crinkly leaves and cried. I lifted my head up, and I swear right there, was a little tree that looked perfectly like a cross. Right in front of me. I shakily got up, and started feeling it over. I pulled it softly out of the ground. That little cross was a sign of hope. A better tomorrow and a bright future. I held it to me, and felt peace once again.
I carried it back with me, and got in the car. I told my Mom I didn't want to go back to the house, and she said that was fine. I carried my little tree cross to my room and set it on my dresser.
A slow smile crossed my face. God was going to work it out to my good. I should be overjoyed. I will be, I said to myself. I just have to heal, just have to give it sometime. I realized I didn't feel sick hardly at all anymore. My head was clear, and my stomach was calm. I thanked God for just a ray of hope.
I also thanked God for brand new days.