I woke up in a pig den, I was filthy and smelly and the pigs treated me as their king. I quickly dashed off to the woods where there was a stream and cannonballed into it. I sung and swam around, having a merry old time whilst getting clean until I got out and lied down on the bank, dipping my feet in the cool refreshing water.
I could have just stayed there being lazy for the rest of my days, but I knew I’d just get bored of that eventually. I stood up and ventured back to the village where I saw the motley crew venturing out of it. They were leaving without me! And they had Brana!
I followed them but kept my distance; if they didn’t allow me to join them then I’ll just travel in the same direction as them! It’s not as if they could stop me! Trying to come up with a way to keep on following them without joining them may have been a problem, I knew as soon as I showed my face Idiot would try to rip it off. Prince Prick seemed to ignore me when I said I knew where to find the stone, and was very content leading them in the wrong direction. Hell where was he going?
About half way down the mountain they stopped for food. Now this is where I noticed I was still a bit peckish from starving myself for five weeks, so once again I followed my stomach towards the sweet smell of stew. In my mouth watering moment I forgot to remain in stealth and the Sievere called Yara noticed me, no point in hiding now so I stepped out and kept my eyes fixated on the stew, much to the moans and groans of the whole group.
"Right, who wants to give me some food? I'm starving!" I said patting my stomach. The women rolled their eyes and ignored me, but the men were angry, especially Idiot. That was funny! They leapt up and drew their weapons ready for a fight, I however was not in the mood for fighting, I had a grand total of two battles over the last few days, that was two more than my monthly quota allowed!
"Why do you follow us Valenstar?" Destran asked, while Zahkon bared his teeth.
“Why not? It’s not as if I have anything better to do” I said laughing and walking towards them.
Idiot mistook my walking as a sign of aggression and fired an arrow which hit me in the shoulder, and bugger me that hurt! I pulled it out of me and watched their faces as they saw my shoulder heal up.
“Oww! What was that for?! That bloody hurt you Idiot!” I yelled at him whilst continuing to walk and sit down by the stew.
Everybody darted away and they all generally seemed to be prepared to fight. I rolled my head and waved my arms. “Look everyone; if I wanted to fight I would have beaten you all by now. I’m not here to fight, I'm here to eat! Now what's cooking?” I asked boastfully.
Nobody lowered their guard and Destran stepped forward pointing his sword at me. “You are not welcome here Valenstar, I thought I made that perfectly clear?” He said with a commanding tone that made me want to punch him.
I stifled the feeling and simply put my feet up and laid back. “Yeah you did, but guess what? I don’t care! This is a free world Prince Prick; I can go where I want! And if I want to follow you guys, well guess what? You can’t stop me! BAH HA!” I laughed at him.
Immediately I felt another arrow enter my back, I yelped in pain and yanked it out, turning to Idiot rather annoyed. “Can you please stop that?! That is quite painful!” I yelled at him.
Idiot lowered his bow when he realised he wasn’t doing anything, the rest looked at each other with confusion and worry. Nobody knew what to do to get rid of me, it seems that they were just figuring out I was here to stay! The first one to sit back down was Brena, who looked at me inquisitively.
“Guys, I'm not sure if my opinion is worth anything here, but I don’t think he’s dangerous and he has a point. If he wanted to attack us he would have done so by now” Brena said to the group after deducing I wasn’t here for hostile intentions.
“No Destran! He tried to kill Lyra! There is no way we can have him here!” Yara implored to Prince Prick.
“Uh… no I didn’t” I butted in.
“Yes you did!” she said, her eyes turning black. Oh boy time for a game!
“Oh no I didn’t!” I said laughing.
“Oh yes you did!” Yara said yelling.
“Oh no I didn’t!” I chanted.
“Yes you did!” Lyra came in stomping her foot.
“He said something about wanting to see how powerful Zahkon is, so he pretended to try and kill you” Prince Prick said.
“Liar!” Idiot yelled.
“Look, I don’t wanna fight right now. I just want to eat” I said rather slowly, treating them as though they were brain dead.
“Leave now Valenstar, or we will force battle upon you!” Prince Prick demanded.
“What good would that do? You guys can’t stop me! BAH HA!” I mocked them.
“Can we all please stop!?” Brana said getting to her feet again. “I vouch for him, I promise you he won’t do anything at all so can we please just stop!?”
Everybody looked at her and then too me, they seemed to trust Brana’s word so they lowered their weapons and took their seats again, albeit a ways away from me. We sat in relative silence until Prince Prick turned to Brana. “How can you be so sure about him? What if he just knifes us in the back when we’re sleeping?” He questioned her.
“I don’t see evil in him, I see an annoying idiot, but not an evil murderer” she answered truthfully.
I'm not a murderer? I told her I was. I said I had killed so many people… could it be she didn’t believe me…? Or is it that she is trying to get them to trust me? If they knew what I said to her there would be no way they could accept having me around. What did she gain out of this? I shook the thoughts from my head and spoke up.
“Plus I told you I knew where to find the stone didn’t I?” I said quite proudly.
“I told you to stop lying Valenstar!” Prince Prick yelled.
“I'm not lying! Seriously I know where to find them!” I defended myself.
Prince Prick became flustered and threw his map at me. “Fine! Why don’t you point to me where it is if you’re so knowledgeable?!” He yelled at me.
I looked at the map and saw where we were, in the mountains north of the forest of Garnee. I picked up an eating knife beside me and poked several holes into the map. One in the sea south of the Isle of Prayer and west of Castle Hava, a second in the Forest of Illumini, a third in the Lost Marshes, and a fourth in the Forest of Garnee. I chucked the map back to him and he looked at it with confusion before looking back to me.
“What's this supposed to mean? I thought you said you knew where it was!?” He yelled.
“I do, it’s in one of those areas. I know that for sure!” I said happily.
Prince Prick looked like he didn’t know whether to hit me or call me a liar or even thank me. He kept his eye on the map and looked at the holes I poked at it. Yara went over to him and looked at the map herself before looking at him, then to me (I gave her a wink) and then to the rest of the group, she was silent for a long time until she asked a question that Prince Prick didn’t know how to answer now.
“Can we trust him?”
The guard burst into flames and he screamed in agony until he fell down and turned to ashes. I watched him and couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated at the power of Sethos, but also a little intrigued. I hoped he could use that power on me one day; he’d definitely be able to kill me.
“Don’t question my decisions. Ever” Sethos said with his head in the darkness, I couldn’t see his facial features well. But I could see his daughter Desdemonda at the foot of his throne, playing with a doll of what strangely looked like me.
She noticed me walk into the throne room just as the guard burst into flames and gave me a seductive wink and wave. I felt very uncomfortable, she was taking this infatuation thing too far, and all I wanted to do was annoy her to get her dad to kill me. Sethos noticed me and gestured me towards him, I walked forward and noticed a short, ugly looking thing with long black hair all over the place. It turned to me and I saw yellow fanged teeth and completely black eyes. He was very familiar.
“Ah Jack, welcome back. Did you find what I was looking for?” Sethos asked quietly.
“Maybe I did, Maybe I didn’t. I'm sure if me and your sexy daughter there could have a few rounds in the bedroom my tongue would loosen up” I tried to antagonize him.
Desdemonda looked up at her father with a look of want. Clearly she wanted nothing more than what I had suggested, even though I only said it to make him angry. Sethos merely chuckled, “Silly boy, don’t think me easy to taunt. I won’t do anything to you until you complete my task.”
“Oh but HE gets special treatment?!” I asked pointing to the ashes that was the guard.
“He questioned my authority.” Sethos said calmly.
“Well I'm questioning it! What did he do? I’ll do it ten times worse!” I yelled. Desdemonda gave a pleasured moan after hearing me bad mouth her father.
“The peon believed the people I hire are of a less the reputable nature, and not worthy to serve me” Sethos said whilst making a passing gesture at the creature who was watching me intently.
Now that I thought about it, he was definitely a Vaan, but there was something about this Vaan that peaked my interest until eventually I recognised him and turned to Sethos again. “So you have former Vaan Generals in your employment now? My how your standards have fallen!” I mocked him.
“I'm glad you recognise General Valak, weren’t you meant to kill him at one point?” Sethos said with a hint of glee in his calm voice.
The Vaan growled at me and I flipped him off which made him pull out a double bladed spear and he was just about to attack me. Sethos waved his hand and the spear went flying from his hands. “Now now General. I have a special mission for him you see Jack, I'm glad you came here when you did.”
“What mission is that? Find him a beauty therapist? BAH HA!” I laughed at them.
“He’s going to help you find the stone.”
I need a doctor, I keep on having unwanted flashbacks.