I held Nadia in my arms as her sobs racked her body softly, and it made me remember a time when I was in this position, crying my eyes out, ready to die, but most of all feeling guilty. The memories made the scars hurt again, but I knew they had made me stronger, the person I was supposed to be instead of the mess I had been.
" I- I just feel so horrible," She said sniffling now, " God why did I have to go and do that to Devyn?!" I pushed the hair from beside her cheek and gazed into her eyes and spoke.
" Nadia, we all make mistakes," I said, remembering all of mine, " But we have to learn we're not all perfect, no human is. That's why we need a savior who is, and most of all we need to learn from our mistakes and move on." She sniffled again and then nodded, understanding what I meant. I smiled at her and she smiled back, then I heard the door rattle open and in stepped my little brother.
He looked a little upset as he looked at Devyn, though I couldn't imagine him not being emotional seeing anyone like this. He looked over at Nadia for a puzzled minute and then blinked and motioned for me to join him out in the hallway.
" Nadia can you stay with devyn for a little bit?" I asked, " My brother and I need to talk really quick." She nodded and we stepped out shutting the door and stepping out.
" Lacey, I'm going to stay with Devyn for a while," He said softly, " Because I just want to be here for him, you know?" I nodded, knowing that Nadia coul talk to Devyn and Jason wouldn't intervene..
" Okay Jason, and hey," I said, " Would you let Nadia and Devyn talk alone for a little bit maybe, they really need to sort stuff out, she's his girlfriend and-"
" Don't worry," He said. " I'll let them talk it out as long as they need." I gave him a hug and told Nadia I was leaving, giving her a tight hug and my number before walking down to the van, wondering what I might do with Dakota that might be fun.
I mean I was his age once, and at that point all I wanted to do was hang out and have fun. I finally knew what we were going to do when I got out to the car, smiling as I got in.
Lacey asked Matt to stop by the house for something, saying that we were going to get out of the house for a while and go somewhere nice. I looked over at Matt and he shrugged, obviously not knowing what she was planning. Then she came out with her acoustic guitar and a few sheets of paper in hand, smiling ear to ear.
This peaked my interest as I'd always liked music, I just didn't know how to play any instruments.
" Matt, take us to the gardens," She said happily, " We'll show Dakota one of our new songs." I smiled, this actually sound like a lot of fun, I really wanted to see what her music was like.
When we got their she got out of the car and led us over to where a bush of roses was in bloom with multiple colored roses, it was absolutely stunning. And then she handed the pieces of paper with the music on them to Matt and picked up the lyrics sheet, and when she began to sing, it's like everything else in the world went completely quiet.
" Where are you now? Are you lost? Will I ever see you again? Or will I find you in a broken mess underneath a steeple?" Her voice was like an angel and the lyrics were pulling at my heart in a way I couldn't explain, " I hear you crying for what once was. How broken is your heart? How much pain have you felt? How many abandonments will you endure?"
" Are you still searching? Or have you given up on any hope? Content with your scars that never seem to heal? I'm calling for you now, now will you reach out and touch the thing you have left behind so long ago? Or has the flame that once connected us been blown out?"
I opened my eyes up to see them both staring at me to realize then, I was crying. I wiped away the tears quickly but there was no way to describe how deeply that song had reached inside of me and tugged back memories of my father... and my Father. I brushed that away as I looked over at Lacey, and asked quietly.
" Would- would you mind if I tried singing that?" I asked quietly and she thought for a moment and then nodded handed me the lyrics.
I sang as passionately as I could, pouring all the hurt and pain into the lyrics, all the brokeness I felt, all the lost feelings for God, and my dad. I hit most of the notes, only missing one or two, but I wasn't paying attention as I was so caught up in pouring out my soul into this song.
I finally stopped when I was choked up with tears, to see both Lacey and Matt staring at me.
" Was it that bad?" I asked and Lacey immediately answered as truthfully as possible.
" Dakota, I've heard a lot of really amazing voices," She said quietly, " But honestly, yours is probably one of the best I've ever heard, you pour out so much emotion and power into your voice, it's absolutely astounding." I lit up like a christmas tree and then looked over at Matt for what he thought.
"... Well... Honestly I don't know what to say," He said somewhat shocked at himself, " After something like that, there's no words to really describe it other than... absolutely amazing"
" Where'd you learn to sing like that?" Lacey asked, " I mean did you take lessons or-"
" Yeah I took lessons for 10 years and then quit," I said, " Because the guy blew up and said I had no talent or-"
" Well then that idiots obviously deaf," Matt said interjecting, " Because you're incredible, Hey Lacey mayber we should go pay him visit..."
We all laughed, and for once I was happy. All up until I saw my dad moving towards us, obviously angry from something. I just hoped he wouldn't take it out on me.