Why'd I have to go say that? If I had the strength, I would have gotten up and out of the bed and started knocking my head against a wall. I could tell that Nadia was more disappointed with me than she had been before, courtesy of my uncontrollable murmurings...
Before I had the chance to try a weak attempt at killing myself, the door to my room swung open and in came a worried looking Melissa. I groaned to myself. Great. Now I was going to have to convince her that I'd be fine going back to a home where my children hated me.
"Tom! What happened?" She almost yelled, hurrying over to my side. "The doctor told me you had an overdose and got yourself knocked out."
"That would be the case precisely," I whispered, my throat feeling scratchy and dry. I tried sitting up on my bed and noticing this, Melissa immediately came to my aid, rearranging a pillow so that my back would be resting against it. She gave me a glass of water and I took a long sip, watching her as she continued looking at me worriedly.
"You should have known better than to to take your medication immediately after you came home...you were already tired."
I just shrugged, my gaze flickering away from her face and back to the door when I heard footsteps approaching. Doc didn't look quite happy. I mean, he never looked happy but today was more so than before.
"Results came in," he said and a sardonic grin came to my face.
"Ah, the moment of truth has arrived."
But my comment didn't have the humorous affect I'd expected. Instead, Doc looked deadly solemn. That didn't worry me as much as it should, at least not to the extent of how much it tipped Meliss over the edge as I felt her hand squeeze mine tightly in anticipation.
"This is no joke Thomas. You could have died."
"But I didn't."
"Thank your son for that. He donated enough of his blood and with the way your family was going, I didn't think he would have."
I felt Melissa stiffen by my side but didn't mind her as I watched Doc's serene expression grow more nervous.
"Thomas, your condition's worse than before. Mere anti-depressents aren't going to be enough now," he spoke slowly, watching me and waiting for a reaction but I stayed absolutely still, expecting the rest. "Unless you're absolutely careful from now on, you could get a stroke or even a heart attack. I'm afraid you'll need heavier medication and regular visits to a therapist even."
I laughed out at loud, not even believing what he'd just suggested. But he didn't think it funny as irritation seeped into his face. "Which part of my saying your life is a risk is funny?"
"You seriously think that I'm going to go see a shrink?"
"You need to release your feelings, a source of outflow just to calm yourself. Otherwise..."
I might end up here again.
I could see where he was going with this so I sighed and gave him a slight nod, a signal that he could leave. He didn't waste a second as he left the room, leaving just me and Melissa together in silence. She didn't say anything about it as she pulled up a chair to sit close to me.
"You should take some more rest."
I didn't argue with her as I went back under the covers, closing my eyes. But past my attempts to make the situation less grave than it really was, I knew that Doc was right. This was no joke. My health never had been. But maybe just, my death would be the solution. That was the only one I hadn't tried yet, right?