That was the impounding question in my head as I stood, transfixed to the spot as guilt, hurt and anger flooded into me. Dakota hurts himself. That only made me feel all the more worse as I felt a part of my heart just break away when I saw the several scars on his wrists and arms. I was the reason for what he'd done to himself, I'd provoked him into that. What kind of a father could live knowing that?
And not to even start with the toll this had taken on Nadia. She was the elder sibling, the first born. Naturally, she felt like being the one in control but I could make out the facade she put on. She let it down for the shortest minute when she went after Dakota, eyes welling up as the emotions scattered across her face with no veil to hide them back.
Dad, how can you let this happen? Your family is falling apart, and -
That was as far as she'd gone. But those words came from her heart, from what she really thought of me and not what she'd pushed herself to believe.
But I didn't want to make Nadia feel like this was her responsibility, her problem to solve because I perfectly well knew it wasn't. Yet, a part of me needed someone to help me. Dakota and Nadia had each other. But I...I don't know where to go.
I walked wearily towards my room, shutting the door behind me with a soft click as I resisted the urge to just tear the door apart, the way my life was starting to be. With almost every bit and piece of my life in rags, how could I ever live the luxury I dreamt of?
Sighing, my hands trembled as I reached down, pulling open one of the draws and taking out my medicine. Anti-depressents. My doctor had presecribed me only light dosages, but if I grew any more serious...well I had a strong feeling today's event would have tipped me over the edge.
Popping the pills into my mouth, I took a long sip of water, swallowing before setting down the water bottle and wiping the edges of my mouth with my palm. Without thinking twice, I reached for my cell phone and rang the most recent contact I'd called.
Two rings, and she picked up.
"Tom, you can bite me all you want on Monday. Can you just not do it over the phone?"
"Melissa, I'm calling to tell you to make the arrangement with the airlines. I'll go to the meeting."