Basically this is a summary of much of what is happening in my main character, Pluto's, head most of the time. Pluto, is a god, the god of the Underworld to be exact. He is the youngest of the three brothers. Zeus, king of the gods. Poseidon, the god of Oceans. And then of course my Pluto comes last. I chose to call him Pluto instead of Hades, because I felt that there was much less of an edge to that name, making him seem more approachable. This is a glimpse into one of his many struggles.
He barely ever slept. He hated trying to sleep. His bedroom in that large and lonely palace of his was hardly ever used. Sometimes he ended up dozing off in the throne room only to force himself awake once again out of fear of shutting his eyes and feeling the remembered pain of a whip against his back, or maybe hearing the screamed insults of one of the others. Either he wasn't tired, or he was so exhausted that his green eyes could never stay open half the time.
The throbbing in his head was almost begging him just to shut his eyes though. Just get a few moments of rest. Those nightmares aren't real. They're not here with you. They can't hurt you again.
Those thoughts constantly went through his head, trying to reassure him. He ran a hand through his short mussed up hair, letting out a tired sigh as he leaned there in the doorway of the bedroom looking to the bed in silence. His figure, though tall and very attractive to most, was tensed and obviously anxious. The muscles of his back tightened a bit too much as he tried to calm himself down. He just needed a few hours. That was it.
In moments of exhaustion and desperation like this, his sub conscious tore out the memories he didn't wish to remember from the back of his mind. And that was why he was so hesitant to let his body simply relax. He felt so small. So weak...like that tiny child that he'd thought he'd left behind so long ago. He wanted to push the dark thoughts away, but they closed in on him, their strength stronger than his own resistance.
His head throbbed even worse, needing him to relax or else he'd have a full on migraine and for him that took quite a lot to get to that stage, as he was a god and could withstand much more than a mere mortal. But once it hit that status, it was painful and he didn't need that. For a moment he thought he'd give in, but the instant he stepped farther into the room he swerved and just leaned against the wall sliding down to the floor to sit there.
No...the nightmares aren't worth it...
Pluto leaned his head back, shutting his eyes tightly in a rather pained as well as frustrated fashion before opening them again and looking up at the stone ceiling of the oversized place.
He let out an exhale from his nose, pursing his lips in a thin line. He'd stayed up longer than this. He could stay up another night. It wouldn't affect him. Though his obvious weariness could be seen rather clearly. The way his usually olive toned skin looked rather sickly pale, and the dark circles that had formed under his eyes, showed his fatigue. Even gods get tired. And he was so...so tired.
"Doesn't matter..." he muttered with a shake of his head, the breathed words showing how much he disregarded his own well being, as well as self esteem. He had given up long ago. Given up on trying to just forget about everything that happened...Because there wasn't a way for him to. Those memories were stuck there permanently.