Time seemed to have lost all meaning. I couldn't tell you the number of days since Tam had been admitted to the hospital. Could not tell you how many days I went to school, due to persistence of my mom, and felt like a zombie. Everything seemed to have been drained out of me.
Every thought of mine circled around Tamar. I couldn't focus without wondering where she was or what she was doing.
How did I not see this?
I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to care for her, not to let her starve herself until she no longer exists. How could I let her do this? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STOP THIS!
The doctors told me what could have sparked her anorexia: distorted self-image, a way to relive stress, a form of self-punishment... the list seemed to go on forever. All these things could have been hurting my best friends while I sat by and did nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Yet among all the confusion of the how's and the why's, I felt betrayed. Tam did not trust me. She had been struggling and she had not come to me. Instead, she turned to the monster of anorexia.
I am the worst friend in the world.
And I can't save my best friend.