HelplessMature

They eventually made me leave.  Not without a fight, however; I never went without a fight.

They promised me I could see Tam after school tomorrow.  After school, yeah right.  School had now taken a second place in my life after Tam.  As soon as the hospital allowed visitors, I would be there.  And I would stay with Tam until the forced me out again.  

How did I miss this?

For who knows how long, my friend has been in pain.  She's been suffering while I sat by in my ignorance.  In hindsight, all the signs were there.  She hardly ever ate in front of me, the subtle exercises, and her weight.  She had always attributed her weight to a high metabolism, and never did I question that.

Because I had ridden with Tam in the ambulance, and we had walked to the theater, I was left with my own two feet to carry me back to my house.  The only problem with that was the distance, my house was easily three miles away, and the rain.  Yes.  The rain.  

Half blind with weariness, I made my way down the steps of the hospital.  The rain mixed with my tears and I did nothing to wipe them away.  I'd left my purse at the theater so there was no way I could contact anyone for a ride.  

The theater.

If I could just make it back to the theater, I could spend the night there.  Granted, it wouldn't necessarily be smiled upon by the board members, but I was out of options. 

My shoes squeaked as they became saturated with the rain water.  My clothes were soaked through and my teeth were chattering.  My knees began to buckle with every step and it wasn't until I'd fallen to the ground that I realized how physically exhausted I was.  I had collapsed at the base of the theater steps, and I wanted nothing more than to lie there and possibly never wake up.  But I did get up.  I huddled under an awning, safe from the rain.  

Never, in my entire life, had I felt so helpless.  

At the moment, there was nothing I could do to help Tam.  Nothing.  My sister could die and there would be nothing I could do to prevent it.  Before I could fully comprehend what I was doing, my lips were moving in a silent prayer.

God... help me.  I feel so lost, Lord.  So lost.  I want to help her, Father.  I need to help her.  I don't understand and that's what frightens me.  God... please don't take her away.  Help her, help us.  

My words turned into incomprehensible sobs and I leaned my head against the brick building.  

The End

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